In Search of Your Person? They Could be Closer than you think

The Time Has Come to Reframe How We Look for “The One”

A friend of mine is going through her second divorce. Ugh. What an incredibly hard thing to witness: This beautiful soul is broken. Feeling like a failure, unsure, ungrounded, and embarrassed. She has put so much pressure on herself to be a perfect image of happiness and success. All the while dying silently inside and scared to reveal her hand to the world. Now she is at a crossroads once again. 

Last time was a fight and no love was lost in the battle of all things as they separated the kids, their lives, and possessions. This time is cordial, there is a lot of love, and things feel amicable. 

She said to me that she loves this person, she’s just not sure if it’s her person

This got me thinking…

  • Am I with my person? 
  • Do I have a person?
  • What if I don’t have a person?
  • What does it mean to be someone’s person?

I’ve never thought of my relationships in this way. It suddenly felt like a lot of pressure. The more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t breathe. Is this how my friend feels? Spending time wondering if she is with the right person instead of enjoying the person in front of her? 

This felt constricting and left me with a sense of abandonment. I began reflecting back on the past loves and romances of my life. Forgotten dreams, broken expectations, and a young heart unaware of the beauty in it all. For me, the truth is I could have made it work with any of these humans. Some felt hard and heavy, some felt light and fun, but ultimately I always felt as though finding my person was a choice. 

The wonderful human who I share my life with today is a gift. A gift I understand only because of the broken dreams from my past. And after almost 15 years together I do, on occasion, lose sight of the big picture and wonder what the heck?! No doubt that sentiment goes both ways.

It’s even true to say that the person I expected to be spending my life with is not the person I am spending my life with. 

He is but a dream.

A dream that I like to fantasize about from time to time. Wondering what he’s up to and how I could have been so blind to let him go. But then the fantasy dies and I remember the hurtful words and life choices that feel so unforgivable. 

But for a time, he was my person. And so I understand. 

Your person is who you choose it to be. And if it doesn’t work with this person you can go and find another, but at the end of the day, your person is you. 

You cannot truly be open to loving another if you are not willing to love yourself. 

Our society puts a lot of pressure on us to find our person, when the answer is, that person is within. The answer is slowing down to connect to your breath. The answer is learning to fall in love with yourself. 

Then whoever you decide to bring into your life can accentuate your beauty and love, not define it. It’s time to take the pressure off. 

Ask the right questions

Committing to sharing your life with another human is a huge deal that we often rush into because of lust or infatuation. We get so lost in the feeling of new and exciting love that it’s hard to step back and see a picture of what the future may be. During this time in a relationship, everyone is showcasing their best selves, and you can only see the positives about this glorious person before you. You start to dream about your life together and what it will be like. 

Then you find yourself a couple years into a relationship and you start focusing on what your partner isn’t doing and a cycle of external validation begins. But it’s not about the relationship, it’s about you. It’s about what you see as missing. This might be a sign that it’s time for your growth or change and you might not want to take that action so you throw it on your partner and your partner does the same thing in response to you. It’s time to stop expecting your partner to meet your every need and time to start meeting your own needs so you can show up wholly in your relationships.

What if instead of concentrating on finding that perfect person (just to be let down) you started asking yourself more insightful questions. 

  • Who have I been as a partner?
  • Who do I want to be as a partner? 
  • How am I choosing to show up in my relationship every day?
  • How do I want to show up for my partner?

Make the journey about you! Ultimately it is anyway. Both staying in a relationship and walking away from one are hard choices that come with their own times of growth. But before you give up or walk away from a relationship simply because you’ve lost sight of that wonder and magic, ask yourself what are you truly walking away from?

Disagreements are good, it means you are growing and willing to argue. But in order to do that effectively, you need to be able to open your heart and assume your partner has something of value to offer. Only then can you decide if the relationship should be maintained. 

Breathwork is a tool that helps put you in your body. 

When relationships are new and fresh you are breathing from an open heart and the potential is endless. It’s during this state of blooming possibilities that we strive to be better, and it is in the striving that we come alive. Maintaining relationships takes more work because the shiny exterior has worn off in the attainment of the relationship. Now, in a time of growth, you need to decide to keep loving from an open heart. The goal is no longer securing the relationship, but alleviating suffering for another human being by loving them. Not creating more strife. And your breath can guide you to understand what your next best step should be. 

You know when things are off. You can see the way your ego plays games to make any situation feel the way you want it to. 

If you are constantly looking to be saved, found, or rescued then you are missing the opportunity to breathe into your own power and save yourself. 

Right now you can decide to own your relationship, your job, your financial situation, Anything! You can decide to place gratitude there. You can decide to act like you have it all when you don’t. You can shift your lens to see what you love about your situation and own the story you’ve been telling yourself. Simply by using your breath.

Belgian psychotherapist Ester Perel says…

“The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.”

And the quality of our lives can drastically change by how we breathe. 

When you are frustrated, living in blame and resentment your breathing is fast and shallow. You are not fully nourishing your cells. This affects your thinking, decision-making, and energy levels. Pile that on top of all of the other daily stresses and it’s easy to see how the person we share our lives with can become a target for our own sense of lack and uncertainty. 

When it comes to finding a partner I’ve tried them all on. The rebel, the partier, the much too good looking, the romantic, and the unique. They were all just a reflection of myself. 

Today I can 

  • Sit with my breath and be the rebel of solitude in the face of hardship.
  • Use my breath to bring energy to the room and reflect on the party girl inside.
  • Be still and breathe deep into the beauty of who I am.
  • Control my emotions to say what needs to be said and be the vulnerable romantic I am.
  • Express my unique spirit without worrying about what others may think.
  • Inhale my truth and exhale my fears. 

I can breathe out all of this because I am my person. Nobody gave these qualities to me. Romances of my past just allowed me to find them in myself. 

My friend is lost in the external search and has lost control of her breath. Her power has been put into the approval and expectations of others. She has forgotten that she is the person she is in search of. 

My friends, I invite you to look inward. Be your person. 

Fall in love with yourself so fiercely that the love you hold inside attracts only that which you are. 

***Interested in learning more about connecting to your breath as a way to make conscious decisions from an open heart? Watch Maintaining Positive Relationships One Breath at a Time on my youtube channel and check out my 4-week online course, Breath Mindset, to start using your breath as your greatest tool.

Tune Your Frequency to a New Vibration Using the Law of Attraction

Energy Flows Where Attention Goes

Have you ever been in the market for a new car? You catch yourself spending time on cargurus.com and weighing the pros and cons of each model until you finally find the one. The purchase of this car is now central in your life. You’re thinking about it, you are figuring out the budget, and a strange thing starts to occur in the world…

You start to see this car everywhere you look. One just drove by you, another one is parked next to yours at the grocery store, and then another one at the stop sign. You never realized how popular the car was. 

You have probably noticed this in other ways too. Like my friend gave birth to a beautiful little girl, Lucy. Suddenly I see little baby girls named Lucy everywhere. 

These are examples of the universe reflecting back to you this powerful law: The law of attraction. It cannot be escaped. We get what we focus on and see what resonates with our understanding of the world. This is a wonderful thing and it is always present. 

The law of attraction is always working whether you believe in it or not. 

The law of attraction is the reason why successful people take ownership of their success while unsuccessful people do not. 

Unsuccessful people are victims. They’re the people who blame everyone around them for the troubles in their life. They have lost sight of the fact that everything in their life was created by them, and only them. 

This is a hard pill to swallow. 

Everything in your life, even the things you are currently complaining about you created. 

Everything, EVERYTHING in your life is a reflection of the thoughts you’ve been thinking. Everything. 

So if you are looking to better your life or a circumstance then it’s time to take a closer look at the thoughts you’ve been thinking. 

We live by a set of patterns. Every day you get up on the same side of the bed, you brush your teeth, check your phone, make the coffee, drive to work, and play out a series of programs that you do day after day after day. The moment your feet hit the floor in the morning your mind begins to run through the usual dramas and stories you’ve been running for days and days and days. And here’s the secret…

Nothing changes if nothing changes. 

Ask yourself this…

What is it that you truly want?

  • Better health?
  • More money?
  • A dream job?
  • A perfect partner?
  • Travel?
  • A home in the country?

Are you even clear on what you want? And why you want it? Most people aren’t, but let’s say you are. Now ask yourself this…

What are my habitual thoughts around this want?

  • Abundance or Lack?
  • Possible or Impossible?
  • Realistic or Unrealistic?
  • Worthy or Unworthy?
  • Selfish or Unselfish?

Most of us throw layers of limiting beliefs on the things we want most in life. We see them as easy for someone else but not for ourselves. We want the big house, the beautiful partner, the dream job, but something in us is telling us it isn’t possible. A limiting belief. 

If you aren’t sure what limiting belief you have that’s holding you back, just take a look around your life: What do you see as missing? This is the easiest way to see where you have a scarcity mindset. Perhaps it’s a pattern, like being stuck with an unfaithful partners. 

Once identified you can investigate. But be careful to not fall into the cozy conditioning of the victim. Yes, you have a stream of disloyal partners, financial setbacks or yo-yo dieting, but what is the common denominator? 

YOU!

You are, and people from all over the world, people just like you, people with less resources, connections, and stability have found a way out of those patterns and so can you. 

Next time you start to see yourself as a victim of circumstance, close your eyes, take a few deep slow conscious breaths and begin to visualize yourself as the most powerful magnet on earth (because…FYI, you are the most powerful magnet on earth). Now thinking of yourself as a victim seems risky. It’s best to use that magnet energy to focus on what you do want. Use the power of thought to think about all the things that could go right.

Even when this feels silly or like a lie, keep going. If you have 50 pounds to lose and you keep thinking about how much weight you need to lose, the universe is going to keep giving you an opportunity to have 50 pounds to lose. Your thought is stuck in repeat on losing weight causing you to be more worried and anxious about losing weight. You might even start saying things like, “I can’t lose weight” or “dieting doesn’t work for me” or worse, you might start making jokes to cover your pain and shame around it by saying hurtful things about yourself and your perceived appearance. 

This mindset is attracting more of what you don’t want.

I know, I know, this is a hard concept. I get it. I’m asking you to own everything in your life. Even the trauma you didn’t ask for and you certainly didn’t deserve. I’m asking you to think differently about the circumstances in your life. Instead of dragging misery around and playing the blame game for the lack you see in your life, I’m asking you to use it as a sign to help guide you to where you do want to go. 

Fuel your life by owning your circumstances

We all see parts of our life that could be better, and the good news is you absolutely can start to create a reality worthy of you simply by changing your focus. 

This can seem hard at first, so I suggest thinking of it as a game. Start small and begin attracting small things into your life like a free cup of coffee or flirty interaction with your cute neighbor. Let it be light, let it be fun. 

As your vibration grows in the field of attracting what you do want you can get bold with your mindset and turn towards more meaningful things. 

You are a vibrational being and like attracts like, so you will never attract a faithful partner if you are always emitting a vibration of catching them being unfaithful. It’s like tuning your frequency to see what you like and what you want.  

Just like a radio dial; if you want to listen to R&B you are never going to align with it if you are tuned to a folk radio station. 

Repeating the same story of what you want in your life will begin to vibrate louder the more you are tuned to what you are trying to attract. You are the creator of your thoughts and energy flows where attention goes. It is super powerful and you are in the driver’s seat. 

Life is happening no matter how you choose to think

It’s important to remember that no matter where your thinking is, life will continue to unfold. You might still get a flat on the side of a highway on your way to the biggest interview of your life. The difference will be played out in what circumstances happen around the event. 

In one scenario…

  • You might scream and think “I knew it! Things never go right for me.” It might start to rain and the tow truck doesn’t show up for 6 hours while you stew.

Or in another scenario you might think…

  • I’m lucky I’m safe and no one was hurt. You send thoughts of gratitude for being stuck under an overpass shielding you from the rain, and the handsome tow truck driver and you totally connect and are planning to see eachother again. 

The universe and our place in it is a mystery not meant to be solved. But at the same time, there are universal truths guiding us to experience a more joyful existence.

Everyone goes through a hard time, but the quickest way to move through it is to check in with your thoughts. 

  • Where are you putting your energy? 
  • Where can you practice more gratitude? 
  • Where are you playing the victim? 

We ask these questions to guide us, not to shame us or place judgment, but to grow. 

Breathe in Gratitude

Here’s a practice in gratitude that can be done in 5-10 minutes a day. Whenever you catch yourself focusing on the negative or what could go wrong, stop yourself in the moment and think about what you would rather experience. 

Then take a few moments to visualize and feel into this new experience. Notice how your breath changes when you switch your thoughts from what you don’t want to what you do. Notice the tension melt as you envision yourself experiencing a vibration of prosperity rather than scarcity.

Now let’s breathe into this new feeling:

  • Find a long straight back either sitting in a meditation seat or by moving to the edge of your seat so your feet can plant firmly into the floor.
  • Soften or close your eyes.
  • Place your hands over your heart (this releases oxytocin into the body, promoting a more compassionate vibration).
  • Take a deep inhale in through your nose, slow and steady.
  • Hold for a moment as you reflect on your new thoughts of abundance.
  • Exhale out through pursed lips, slow, steady, and longer than the inhale.
  • Repeat for 5-10 rounds. 
  • Inhale in thoughts of abundance.
  • Exhale out tension, lack, and negativity.

Let me guide you through a breath meditation here

Immerse Yourself in a Full Moon, Lunar Eclipse Gong Bath

Treat Your Senses to a Full Spectrum of Sensation

If you love the great outdoors, then you don’t want to miss this rare opportunity to get under a full moon during a lunar eclipse to experience a soothing gong bath. 

There’s no comparison to the healing elements of Mother Nature. Few things are as relaxing as sitting under a canopy of trees, feeling grounded to the earth, closing your eyes, taking a couple of slow deep breaths, listening to the water streaming by, and allowing all your senses to open to the healing powers of nature.

With all your senses heightened and relaxed, you open up space to connect deeply with the world around you. 

This event is designed to be a totally immersive experience. Jill Mattern will be our guide and she’s prepared every detail. Allowing you time to unwind and engage in this stress-relieving gong bath. 

This is an event for those looking to find a deeper sense of mindfulness through a variety of sensory experiences focusing on deepening your connection to the ever-present now. 

Let Nature Be Your Guide

Connecting with nature is as simple as getting outside, but Jill is aiming to guide you deeper on this journey so you can fully experience all the benefits.

The grounding sensations of nature have a profound effect to tune you into your own wisdom. 

On Sunday, May 15th, Jill will work with the elements by engaging all your senses

  • Hear the sounds of nature working in perfect harmony
  • See the ancient wisdom flowing naturally as one
  • Smell the essential tree oils, and healing river essence
  • Taste the natural freshness that surrounds you
  • Feel the perfect unkempt soil beneath you

Jill’s guidance will have you soaking in all the flavors of the forest so you can become one with the joy and calm inside you.

It is in this stillness that the restorative sounds of nature begin to mix with the elusive gong. Bathing you in the mix of deep resounding vibration, running water, rustling leaves, and opening you up to the wonder of it all. Reminding you that you are indeed a part of a larger whole.

An Inviting Invitation

This awakening experience has the potential to inspire new ways of being and connecting to others. Helping you to see the world beyond your current experience and expand how you think about your place and purpose here.

Universally nature is seen as a way to enhance our health, but there are other benefits as well. Add the healing sounds of the gong and you have entered a new form of meditation. 

Sound is an ancient form of healing that can aid in…

  • Relaxation
  • Emotional Release
  • Thought Processing
  • Sleep 

Sound healing allows your brain to move into slower wave states. In these more theta states your brain has space to process in a way that promotes a more parasympathetic nervous system response. Better known as “rest & digest”.

Opening Your Subconscious Mind

Bathing in nature paired with healing vibrations can stimulate an altered state of consciousness. Creating a trance-like state can be extremely healing when you are fully absorbed. 

This may feel a little woo-woo at first, but once you give yourself over to the power of it all you will feel the harmonics of the gong move through every inch of your being and like a wave of release stress slowly disappear. Leaving you calm, balanced, and mentally clear.

After about 45 minutes of gong therapy under the full moon, Jill will guide you back to body consciousness. This is a rebirth into the sights and sounds surrounding you. The journey will end as everyone makes their way to the warming fire. In silence, we will arrive together, and just like people have done throughout time, we will share in our experience collectively while enjoying hot tea. 

Your Innate Knowing of What is Needed to Uplift and Clear You

This can be a moving and powerful experience. Shining our souls from the inside is a fantastic way to detox the negative energy stuck in our minds and body. Each individual is likely to have a personal experience ranging from deeply emotional to extremely energized. 

About your Guide

When Jill Mattern moved to Washington State from the Midwest for a service year with AmeriCorps. It was during this time that she sought the question: what does it mean to be free and to live a life of purpose and joy? 

With this question in mind, she started a journey. 

  • She sought mentorship by Indigenous Women while studying and taking part in Native American rituals, including a Vision Quest
  • She studied and worked with Civil Rights activists, earned a certification in Kingian Nonviolence
  • She developed and facilitated mindfulness practices for elementary-aged students, becoming a certified Kid’s Yoga Teacher
  • She worked at the university level focusing on social justice, and in elementary schools serving diverse populations.

But it wasn’t until the summer of 2017 during a solo 100-mile hike that she realized the answer to her question was inside all along…

True sovereignty comes from within, and we all have the internal resources to tap into our own joy and potential. 

Jill’s yoga practice was instrumental in this realization. Finding her own inner peace, she began studying this ancient technology eventually becoming a certified yoga teacher and outdoor mindfulness guide. She is thrilled to be able to share the practice with others. 

Her workshops weave together ancient yogic traditions with modern science to give students a holistic understanding of the mind and body connection. Being in nature, immersed in sound, postures, and breath, students will strengthen their nervous system allowing them to feel more vibrant, alive, and ultimately, free.

What Jill has to say about this event

You’re invited to experience the healing vibrations of sound and nature. Blending the power of nature to renew and restore, and the gong, an ancient ceremonial instrument used to heal the body and mind, you’ll enjoy a powerful sonic and sensory experience.

We will meet during the full moon total lunar eclipse, just before sunset. An eclipse is known as a Full Moon on steroids and happens when the moon is opposing the sun, and the earth’s shadow is cast upon the moon. During a lunar eclipse, the shadow of the Earth falls across the face of the moon bringing unconscious feelings to the surface. Lunar eclipses are culminations of emotional cycles that have run their course, and they encourage us to let go of emotions and attachments that are no longer serving us.

Endings are necessary in order to make way for the new and a lunar eclipse is like the final purge or cleaning of an emotional cycle, if something needs to come to an end, an eclipse can help you set the intention of completion in concrete.

After a year of Trauma, we have a lot stored in our system.  Let’s use this auspicious day to release what is no longer serving us by using nature, breath, the moon’s energy, and sound.  There are numerous scientific benefits to spending time in nature including increased feelings of well-being and lower stress and anxiety. This healing is enhanced through the use of a 4ft foot gong. Laying in nature, under a full moon, the deep tonal frequencies of the gong ease the mind and physical body into a state of total relaxation. The gong tones allow for inner exploration and self-guided healing and can help reset the nervous system to its optimal function. 

The session begins by setting an intention, gentle stretching, followed by breathwork, a guided meditation eventually leading into a gong bath meditation.

The full moon energy is used for releasing old habits, patterns, behaviors, and energies. To support your healing intentions or release and renewals, participants will be gifted a curated set of gemstones to supercharge the evening’s intention. 

Looking for more information. Check it out here. It is the second of 6 in a series called Breathe in Nature. 

Happening Sunday, May 15th.

5pm meet-up

6pm start time

9pm wrap up

Undisclosed location along the Snoqualmie River