In Search of Your Person? They Could be Closer than you think

The Time Has Come to Reframe How We Look for “The One”

A friend of mine is going through her second divorce. Ugh. What an incredibly hard thing to witness: This beautiful soul is broken. Feeling like a failure, unsure, ungrounded, and embarrassed. She has put so much pressure on herself to be a perfect image of happiness and success. All the while dying silently inside and scared to reveal her hand to the world. Now she is at a crossroads once again. 

Last time was a fight and no love was lost in the battle of all things as they separated the kids, their lives, and possessions. This time is cordial, there is a lot of love, and things feel amicable. 

She said to me that she loves this person, she’s just not sure if it’s her person

This got me thinking…

  • Am I with my person? 
  • Do I have a person?
  • What if I don’t have a person?
  • What does it mean to be someone’s person?

I’ve never thought of my relationships in this way. It suddenly felt like a lot of pressure. The more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t breathe. Is this how my friend feels? Spending time wondering if she is with the right person instead of enjoying the person in front of her? 

This felt constricting and left me with a sense of abandonment. I began reflecting back on the past loves and romances of my life. Forgotten dreams, broken expectations, and a young heart unaware of the beauty in it all. For me, the truth is I could have made it work with any of these humans. Some felt hard and heavy, some felt light and fun, but ultimately I always felt as though finding my person was a choice. 

The wonderful human who I share my life with today is a gift. A gift I understand only because of the broken dreams from my past. And after almost 15 years together I do, on occasion, lose sight of the big picture and wonder what the heck?! No doubt that sentiment goes both ways.

It’s even true to say that the person I expected to be spending my life with is not the person I am spending my life with. 

He is but a dream.

A dream that I like to fantasize about from time to time. Wondering what he’s up to and how I could have been so blind to let him go. But then the fantasy dies and I remember the hurtful words and life choices that feel so unforgivable. 

But for a time, he was my person. And so I understand. 

Your person is who you choose it to be. And if it doesn’t work with this person you can go and find another, but at the end of the day, your person is you. 

You cannot truly be open to loving another if you are not willing to love yourself. 

Our society puts a lot of pressure on us to find our person, when the answer is, that person is within. The answer is slowing down to connect to your breath. The answer is learning to fall in love with yourself. 

Then whoever you decide to bring into your life can accentuate your beauty and love, not define it. It’s time to take the pressure off. 

Ask the right questions

Committing to sharing your life with another human is a huge deal that we often rush into because of lust or infatuation. We get so lost in the feeling of new and exciting love that it’s hard to step back and see a picture of what the future may be. During this time in a relationship, everyone is showcasing their best selves, and you can only see the positives about this glorious person before you. You start to dream about your life together and what it will be like. 

Then you find yourself a couple years into a relationship and you start focusing on what your partner isn’t doing and a cycle of external validation begins. But it’s not about the relationship, it’s about you. It’s about what you see as missing. This might be a sign that it’s time for your growth or change and you might not want to take that action so you throw it on your partner and your partner does the same thing in response to you. It’s time to stop expecting your partner to meet your every need and time to start meeting your own needs so you can show up wholly in your relationships.

What if instead of concentrating on finding that perfect person (just to be let down) you started asking yourself more insightful questions. 

  • Who have I been as a partner?
  • Who do I want to be as a partner? 
  • How am I choosing to show up in my relationship every day?
  • How do I want to show up for my partner?

Make the journey about you! Ultimately it is anyway. Both staying in a relationship and walking away from one are hard choices that come with their own times of growth. But before you give up or walk away from a relationship simply because you’ve lost sight of that wonder and magic, ask yourself what are you truly walking away from?

Disagreements are good, it means you are growing and willing to argue. But in order to do that effectively, you need to be able to open your heart and assume your partner has something of value to offer. Only then can you decide if the relationship should be maintained. 

Breathwork is a tool that helps put you in your body. 

When relationships are new and fresh you are breathing from an open heart and the potential is endless. It’s during this state of blooming possibilities that we strive to be better, and it is in the striving that we come alive. Maintaining relationships takes more work because the shiny exterior has worn off in the attainment of the relationship. Now, in a time of growth, you need to decide to keep loving from an open heart. The goal is no longer securing the relationship, but alleviating suffering for another human being by loving them. Not creating more strife. And your breath can guide you to understand what your next best step should be. 

You know when things are off. You can see the way your ego plays games to make any situation feel the way you want it to. 

If you are constantly looking to be saved, found, or rescued then you are missing the opportunity to breathe into your own power and save yourself. 

Right now you can decide to own your relationship, your job, your financial situation, Anything! You can decide to place gratitude there. You can decide to act like you have it all when you don’t. You can shift your lens to see what you love about your situation and own the story you’ve been telling yourself. Simply by using your breath.

Belgian psychotherapist Ester Perel says…

“The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.”

And the quality of our lives can drastically change by how we breathe. 

When you are frustrated, living in blame and resentment your breathing is fast and shallow. You are not fully nourishing your cells. This affects your thinking, decision-making, and energy levels. Pile that on top of all of the other daily stresses and it’s easy to see how the person we share our lives with can become a target for our own sense of lack and uncertainty. 

When it comes to finding a partner I’ve tried them all on. The rebel, the partier, the much too good looking, the romantic, and the unique. They were all just a reflection of myself. 

Today I can 

  • Sit with my breath and be the rebel of solitude in the face of hardship.
  • Use my breath to bring energy to the room and reflect on the party girl inside.
  • Be still and breathe deep into the beauty of who I am.
  • Control my emotions to say what needs to be said and be the vulnerable romantic I am.
  • Express my unique spirit without worrying about what others may think.
  • Inhale my truth and exhale my fears. 

I can breathe out all of this because I am my person. Nobody gave these qualities to me. Romances of my past just allowed me to find them in myself. 

My friend is lost in the external search and has lost control of her breath. Her power has been put into the approval and expectations of others. She has forgotten that she is the person she is in search of. 

My friends, I invite you to look inward. Be your person. 

Fall in love with yourself so fiercely that the love you hold inside attracts only that which you are. 

***Interested in learning more about connecting to your breath as a way to make conscious decisions from an open heart? Watch Maintaining Positive Relationships One Breath at a Time on my youtube channel and check out my 4-week online course, Breath Mindset, to start using your breath as your greatest tool.

Tune Your Frequency to a New Vibration Using the Law of Attraction

Energy Flows Where Attention Goes

Have you ever been in the market for a new car? You catch yourself spending time on cargurus.com and weighing the pros and cons of each model until you finally find the one. The purchase of this car is now central in your life. You’re thinking about it, you are figuring out the budget, and a strange thing starts to occur in the world…

You start to see this car everywhere you look. One just drove by you, another one is parked next to yours at the grocery store, and then another one at the stop sign. You never realized how popular the car was. 

You have probably noticed this in other ways too. Like my friend gave birth to a beautiful little girl, Lucy. Suddenly I see little baby girls named Lucy everywhere. 

These are examples of the universe reflecting back to you this powerful law: The law of attraction. It cannot be escaped. We get what we focus on and see what resonates with our understanding of the world. This is a wonderful thing and it is always present. 

The law of attraction is always working whether you believe in it or not. 

The law of attraction is the reason why successful people take ownership of their success while unsuccessful people do not. 

Unsuccessful people are victims. They’re the people who blame everyone around them for the troubles in their life. They have lost sight of the fact that everything in their life was created by them, and only them. 

This is a hard pill to swallow. 

Everything in your life, even the things you are currently complaining about you created. 

Everything, EVERYTHING in your life is a reflection of the thoughts you’ve been thinking. Everything. 

So if you are looking to better your life or a circumstance then it’s time to take a closer look at the thoughts you’ve been thinking. 

We live by a set of patterns. Every day you get up on the same side of the bed, you brush your teeth, check your phone, make the coffee, drive to work, and play out a series of programs that you do day after day after day. The moment your feet hit the floor in the morning your mind begins to run through the usual dramas and stories you’ve been running for days and days and days. And here’s the secret…

Nothing changes if nothing changes. 

Ask yourself this…

What is it that you truly want?

  • Better health?
  • More money?
  • A dream job?
  • A perfect partner?
  • Travel?
  • A home in the country?

Are you even clear on what you want? And why you want it? Most people aren’t, but let’s say you are. Now ask yourself this…

What are my habitual thoughts around this want?

  • Abundance or Lack?
  • Possible or Impossible?
  • Realistic or Unrealistic?
  • Worthy or Unworthy?
  • Selfish or Unselfish?

Most of us throw layers of limiting beliefs on the things we want most in life. We see them as easy for someone else but not for ourselves. We want the big house, the beautiful partner, the dream job, but something in us is telling us it isn’t possible. A limiting belief. 

If you aren’t sure what limiting belief you have that’s holding you back, just take a look around your life: What do you see as missing? This is the easiest way to see where you have a scarcity mindset. Perhaps it’s a pattern, like being stuck with an unfaithful partners. 

Once identified you can investigate. But be careful to not fall into the cozy conditioning of the victim. Yes, you have a stream of disloyal partners, financial setbacks or yo-yo dieting, but what is the common denominator? 

YOU!

You are, and people from all over the world, people just like you, people with less resources, connections, and stability have found a way out of those patterns and so can you. 

Next time you start to see yourself as a victim of circumstance, close your eyes, take a few deep slow conscious breaths and begin to visualize yourself as the most powerful magnet on earth (because…FYI, you are the most powerful magnet on earth). Now thinking of yourself as a victim seems risky. It’s best to use that magnet energy to focus on what you do want. Use the power of thought to think about all the things that could go right.

Even when this feels silly or like a lie, keep going. If you have 50 pounds to lose and you keep thinking about how much weight you need to lose, the universe is going to keep giving you an opportunity to have 50 pounds to lose. Your thought is stuck in repeat on losing weight causing you to be more worried and anxious about losing weight. You might even start saying things like, “I can’t lose weight” or “dieting doesn’t work for me” or worse, you might start making jokes to cover your pain and shame around it by saying hurtful things about yourself and your perceived appearance. 

This mindset is attracting more of what you don’t want.

I know, I know, this is a hard concept. I get it. I’m asking you to own everything in your life. Even the trauma you didn’t ask for and you certainly didn’t deserve. I’m asking you to think differently about the circumstances in your life. Instead of dragging misery around and playing the blame game for the lack you see in your life, I’m asking you to use it as a sign to help guide you to where you do want to go. 

Fuel your life by owning your circumstances

We all see parts of our life that could be better, and the good news is you absolutely can start to create a reality worthy of you simply by changing your focus. 

This can seem hard at first, so I suggest thinking of it as a game. Start small and begin attracting small things into your life like a free cup of coffee or flirty interaction with your cute neighbor. Let it be light, let it be fun. 

As your vibration grows in the field of attracting what you do want you can get bold with your mindset and turn towards more meaningful things. 

You are a vibrational being and like attracts like, so you will never attract a faithful partner if you are always emitting a vibration of catching them being unfaithful. It’s like tuning your frequency to see what you like and what you want.  

Just like a radio dial; if you want to listen to R&B you are never going to align with it if you are tuned to a folk radio station. 

Repeating the same story of what you want in your life will begin to vibrate louder the more you are tuned to what you are trying to attract. You are the creator of your thoughts and energy flows where attention goes. It is super powerful and you are in the driver’s seat. 

Life is happening no matter how you choose to think

It’s important to remember that no matter where your thinking is, life will continue to unfold. You might still get a flat on the side of a highway on your way to the biggest interview of your life. The difference will be played out in what circumstances happen around the event. 

In one scenario…

  • You might scream and think “I knew it! Things never go right for me.” It might start to rain and the tow truck doesn’t show up for 6 hours while you stew.

Or in another scenario you might think…

  • I’m lucky I’m safe and no one was hurt. You send thoughts of gratitude for being stuck under an overpass shielding you from the rain, and the handsome tow truck driver and you totally connect and are planning to see eachother again. 

The universe and our place in it is a mystery not meant to be solved. But at the same time, there are universal truths guiding us to experience a more joyful existence.

Everyone goes through a hard time, but the quickest way to move through it is to check in with your thoughts. 

  • Where are you putting your energy? 
  • Where can you practice more gratitude? 
  • Where are you playing the victim? 

We ask these questions to guide us, not to shame us or place judgment, but to grow. 

Breathe in Gratitude

Here’s a practice in gratitude that can be done in 5-10 minutes a day. Whenever you catch yourself focusing on the negative or what could go wrong, stop yourself in the moment and think about what you would rather experience. 

Then take a few moments to visualize and feel into this new experience. Notice how your breath changes when you switch your thoughts from what you don’t want to what you do. Notice the tension melt as you envision yourself experiencing a vibration of prosperity rather than scarcity.

Now let’s breathe into this new feeling:

  • Find a long straight back either sitting in a meditation seat or by moving to the edge of your seat so your feet can plant firmly into the floor.
  • Soften or close your eyes.
  • Place your hands over your heart (this releases oxytocin into the body, promoting a more compassionate vibration).
  • Take a deep inhale in through your nose, slow and steady.
  • Hold for a moment as you reflect on your new thoughts of abundance.
  • Exhale out through pursed lips, slow, steady, and longer than the inhale.
  • Repeat for 5-10 rounds. 
  • Inhale in thoughts of abundance.
  • Exhale out tension, lack, and negativity.

Let me guide you through a breath meditation here

Immerse Yourself in a Full Moon, Lunar Eclipse Gong Bath

Treat Your Senses to a Full Spectrum of Sensation

If you love the great outdoors, then you don’t want to miss this rare opportunity to get under a full moon during a lunar eclipse to experience a soothing gong bath. 

There’s no comparison to the healing elements of Mother Nature. Few things are as relaxing as sitting under a canopy of trees, feeling grounded to the earth, closing your eyes, taking a couple of slow deep breaths, listening to the water streaming by, and allowing all your senses to open to the healing powers of nature.

With all your senses heightened and relaxed, you open up space to connect deeply with the world around you. 

This event is designed to be a totally immersive experience. Jill Mattern will be our guide and she’s prepared every detail. Allowing you time to unwind and engage in this stress-relieving gong bath. 

This is an event for those looking to find a deeper sense of mindfulness through a variety of sensory experiences focusing on deepening your connection to the ever-present now. 

Let Nature Be Your Guide

Connecting with nature is as simple as getting outside, but Jill is aiming to guide you deeper on this journey so you can fully experience all the benefits.

The grounding sensations of nature have a profound effect to tune you into your own wisdom. 

On Sunday, May 15th, Jill will work with the elements by engaging all your senses

  • Hear the sounds of nature working in perfect harmony
  • See the ancient wisdom flowing naturally as one
  • Smell the essential tree oils, and healing river essence
  • Taste the natural freshness that surrounds you
  • Feel the perfect unkempt soil beneath you

Jill’s guidance will have you soaking in all the flavors of the forest so you can become one with the joy and calm inside you.

It is in this stillness that the restorative sounds of nature begin to mix with the elusive gong. Bathing you in the mix of deep resounding vibration, running water, rustling leaves, and opening you up to the wonder of it all. Reminding you that you are indeed a part of a larger whole.

An Inviting Invitation

This awakening experience has the potential to inspire new ways of being and connecting to others. Helping you to see the world beyond your current experience and expand how you think about your place and purpose here.

Universally nature is seen as a way to enhance our health, but there are other benefits as well. Add the healing sounds of the gong and you have entered a new form of meditation. 

Sound is an ancient form of healing that can aid in…

  • Relaxation
  • Emotional Release
  • Thought Processing
  • Sleep 

Sound healing allows your brain to move into slower wave states. In these more theta states your brain has space to process in a way that promotes a more parasympathetic nervous system response. Better known as “rest & digest”.

Opening Your Subconscious Mind

Bathing in nature paired with healing vibrations can stimulate an altered state of consciousness. Creating a trance-like state can be extremely healing when you are fully absorbed. 

This may feel a little woo-woo at first, but once you give yourself over to the power of it all you will feel the harmonics of the gong move through every inch of your being and like a wave of release stress slowly disappear. Leaving you calm, balanced, and mentally clear.

After about 45 minutes of gong therapy under the full moon, Jill will guide you back to body consciousness. This is a rebirth into the sights and sounds surrounding you. The journey will end as everyone makes their way to the warming fire. In silence, we will arrive together, and just like people have done throughout time, we will share in our experience collectively while enjoying hot tea. 

Your Innate Knowing of What is Needed to Uplift and Clear You

This can be a moving and powerful experience. Shining our souls from the inside is a fantastic way to detox the negative energy stuck in our minds and body. Each individual is likely to have a personal experience ranging from deeply emotional to extremely energized. 

About your Guide

When Jill Mattern moved to Washington State from the Midwest for a service year with AmeriCorps. It was during this time that she sought the question: what does it mean to be free and to live a life of purpose and joy? 

With this question in mind, she started a journey. 

  • She sought mentorship by Indigenous Women while studying and taking part in Native American rituals, including a Vision Quest
  • She studied and worked with Civil Rights activists, earned a certification in Kingian Nonviolence
  • She developed and facilitated mindfulness practices for elementary-aged students, becoming a certified Kid’s Yoga Teacher
  • She worked at the university level focusing on social justice, and in elementary schools serving diverse populations.

But it wasn’t until the summer of 2017 during a solo 100-mile hike that she realized the answer to her question was inside all along…

True sovereignty comes from within, and we all have the internal resources to tap into our own joy and potential. 

Jill’s yoga practice was instrumental in this realization. Finding her own inner peace, she began studying this ancient technology eventually becoming a certified yoga teacher and outdoor mindfulness guide. She is thrilled to be able to share the practice with others. 

Her workshops weave together ancient yogic traditions with modern science to give students a holistic understanding of the mind and body connection. Being in nature, immersed in sound, postures, and breath, students will strengthen their nervous system allowing them to feel more vibrant, alive, and ultimately, free.

What Jill has to say about this event

You’re invited to experience the healing vibrations of sound and nature. Blending the power of nature to renew and restore, and the gong, an ancient ceremonial instrument used to heal the body and mind, you’ll enjoy a powerful sonic and sensory experience.

We will meet during the full moon total lunar eclipse, just before sunset. An eclipse is known as a Full Moon on steroids and happens when the moon is opposing the sun, and the earth’s shadow is cast upon the moon. During a lunar eclipse, the shadow of the Earth falls across the face of the moon bringing unconscious feelings to the surface. Lunar eclipses are culminations of emotional cycles that have run their course, and they encourage us to let go of emotions and attachments that are no longer serving us.

Endings are necessary in order to make way for the new and a lunar eclipse is like the final purge or cleaning of an emotional cycle, if something needs to come to an end, an eclipse can help you set the intention of completion in concrete.

After a year of Trauma, we have a lot stored in our system.  Let’s use this auspicious day to release what is no longer serving us by using nature, breath, the moon’s energy, and sound.  There are numerous scientific benefits to spending time in nature including increased feelings of well-being and lower stress and anxiety. This healing is enhanced through the use of a 4ft foot gong. Laying in nature, under a full moon, the deep tonal frequencies of the gong ease the mind and physical body into a state of total relaxation. The gong tones allow for inner exploration and self-guided healing and can help reset the nervous system to its optimal function. 

The session begins by setting an intention, gentle stretching, followed by breathwork, a guided meditation eventually leading into a gong bath meditation.

The full moon energy is used for releasing old habits, patterns, behaviors, and energies. To support your healing intentions or release and renewals, participants will be gifted a curated set of gemstones to supercharge the evening’s intention. 

Looking for more information. Check it out here. It is the second of 6 in a series called Breathe in Nature. 

Happening Sunday, May 15th.

5pm meet-up

6pm start time

9pm wrap up

Undisclosed location along the Snoqualmie River

Spring Clean Your Breath With These 3 Breathing Practices

Detox Your Lungs to Feel Refreshed

Spring is in the air! A time to emerge from the stillness of winter, pull back the blinds, and watch as new life takes form. As the sun shines its light on us we feel refreshed. There’s a sense of connection that is undeniable between us and nature. And just as we find ourselves de-cluttering our home so too must we cleanse our internal space. Detoxing ourselves of unwanted emotions that became stagnant over the long cold winter. 

Winter is a time to slow down, be still, and reflect on days past. It is also a time of imbalance due to the lack of sunlight, outdoor activity, and an excessive amount of sitting. This can cause…

  • Depression
  • Fatigue
  • Anxiety
  • Loneliness

Add the effects piling up from the pandemic and it’s easy to see why so many are burdened with the stress caused by SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Your breath is a built-in source of connectivity; Helping you to feel revived as the dark clouds part for more sunny days ahead. 

Below are 3 simple breathing techniques to help you connect to a deep full breath. Making room inside for you to clear space to breathe into a new season of life. 

  1. Breath of Fire

This is a popular breathing technique that shows up in many yoga classes. Doing this for 7 minutes will completely cleanse your bloodstream. I always suggest doing this deep cleansing breathwork in the morning. It helps get you up and moving because it stimulates the sympathetic nervous system. The quick sharp exhales help move energy and detox any stagnant air that has built up in the lungs. 

To do this technique…

  • Find your seat, either cross-legged or hips to heels.
  • Back is tall and eyes are closed or fixed on one point.
  • Place hands on your thighs, lap, or against your ribcage to feel the sharp movement.
  • Inhale through the nose, allowing the air to move deep into your belly.
  • Without pausing, exhale forcefully through your nose as your abdominal muscles contract in.
  • Keep doing this action at about one exhale per second. 
  • The inhales will happen naturally, just focus on the exhales.
  • Continue at this rapid pace for about 30 seconds to start. 
  • Practice daily in the morning and increase the time as you grow. 

The challenge with Breath of Fire is to start in small increments. There is a tendency to move your shoulders with your breath and go too fast. You want to maintain control over your breath so start with 30 seconds of focused exhales. Shoulders remain still and keep a pace of one exhale per second. I like to set a metronome on my phone to help me keep the pace. 

Because this is stimulating breathwork, it is not uncommon to get dizzy, light-headed, or feel nauseous. You are moving energy that has been hanging out in the bottom of your lungs for a long time so this is to be expected. Also because of the intense pumping of your stomach muscles, I would avoid this one if you are pregnant or on your moon cycle. 

Breath of Fire is sure to set your day in a more positive direction and is a fast, effective way to stimulate and regulate your nervous system. 

  1. Alternate Nostril Breathing

This is a fantastic way to balance the right and left hemispheres of your brain. It can be done at any time that feels most natural to you. Because of its balancing nature, it can be used to help bring your energy up if you’re feeling low, or calm you down if you are feeling anxious. Not only does this breathwork balance you out but it helps you find focus, too. 

If you are new to Alternate Nostril Breathing I recommend keeping a tissue handy. This work can get a little snotty and might feel impossible at first. If you are sick or congested you might want to hold off until you can better access your breath equally through both nostrils. 

This is a fairly simple practice, but it does take time to get all the moving parts down correctly. I do recommend watching a video on how to perform this one correctly here

As you balance your brain, there is a lot to think about:

  • Keep your breath pattern slow and smooth. 
  • Focus on your breath and hand movement to remind you where you are in the cycle.
  • Your breath should feel controllable throughout the practice.

You will be forcefully directing air in one nostril and out the other using your right hand. There is a hand mudra performed here that we will not be getting into today. For our purposes, of just learning the technique, you will keep it simple. Using just your thumb and pointer fingers. 

To practice alternate nostril breathing:

  • Sit in a comfortable position.
  • Place your left hand on your left knee or in your lap.
  • Exhale completely.
  • Use the right thumb to close the right nostril.
  • Inhale through the left nostril.
  • Pinch the left nostril with your pointer finger.
  • Open the right nostril and exhale through this side.
  • Stay here.
  • Inhale through the right nostril.
  • Pinch closed this nostril.
  • Open the left nostril and exhale through the left side.
  • This is one cycle.
  • Continue for 5 to 10 rounds.
  • Always complete the practice by finishing with an exhale on the left side.

If you are left-hand dominant feel free to reverse the whole pattern. Traditionally you wouldn’t do this, but I say if it helps you breathe, then go for it. 

Once you have the pattern down add a count to help your breaths be slow and steady. 

  • Inhale for a 4 count.
  • Hold for a 2 count while you pinch and switch from your thumb to your pointer.
  • Exhale for a 4 count.
  • Short pause.
  • Inhale for a 4 count.
  • Hold for a 2 count while you pinch and switch from your pointer to your thumb.
  • Exhale out for a 4 count.

Alternate Nostril Breathing is one of the best ways to balance out your nervous system and anchor you into the moment. Leaving you feeling relaxed and cleansed.

  1. Stop and Smell the Flowers

Here’s a fun one you can do with the kids. Exploring your breath is fun and inviting. In many ways, it is a game to be played that brings you closer to a deeper understanding of self. Encouraging kids to get involved and become aware of how their bodies work is something that they can use their entire life. 

Stop and smell the flowers guides you through a simple visualization that encourages deep full breaths.

  • Find a comfortable seat where you feel relaxed with a straight spine.
  • Soften or close your eyes.
  • Begin to visualize yourself running through a field of the most beautiful wildflowers.
  • Take a moment to discover all the colors, sizes, and shapes. Notice how each one is unique.
  • Let your eyes come to rest on the most beautiful flower you’ve ever seen. Visualize every detail about it as you move in closer to observe.
  • See yourself sitting eye to eye with it. Taking in the color, size, and shape.
  • Bring your nose right to the heart of the flower and take a nice smooth deep inhale.
  • Hold it in at the top of your breath and feel the essence of spring. 
  • Open your mouth and exhale it all out with a nice refreshing sigh.
  • Smile.
  • Stay with the same flower letting your imagination explore the field as you continue to breathe in the aroma and exhale with a sigh. 
  • About 5 or 6 rounds will have you feeling calm, clear, and rejuvenated.

Naturally cleanse from the inside out with Conscious Connected Breathwork

Focusing on your breath for as little as five minutes a day helps release tension carried in the mind and the body. Mentally, emotionally, and physically you can begin to detox naturally with every exhale. At the end of five focused minutes, you will feel more relaxed. Your blood will be cleansed, your mind clear, and your nervous system balanced. 

I help clients breathe through all kinds of issues:

  • Help restore balance to the stress response systems.
  • Bring calm to an agitated mind.
  • Relieve symptoms of anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
  • Improve physical health and endurance.
  • Elevate performance.
  • Aid in sleep deprivation.

If you are interested in learning more, I am here to guide you. 

Whether you are local to the Seattle area or looking for assistance remotely, I can help. Allow me to guide you in this experience of transformative healing.

Learn more about my in-person and virtual offerings HERE.

4 Ways You Can Harness Your Negative Mind-Chatter

Simple ways to shift your internal dialogue in a more productive way

We humans are unique in the way we think. Our thoughts can broaden us or hinder us in our growth. We are the only species who have the ability to narrate our lives. This can be both mind-altering and destructive. The stories we tell ourselves in these narratives play a huge part in how we show up in the world. We speak an estimated 50,000 words in our head every single day! Like all forms of growth and change, it starts with awareness. Once you become aware of the words you are saying continuously to yourself, you can begin the process of altering the stories you’ve created in your head. 

Living in the present moment is a learned skill and one that can be challenging for those of us who have spent a lifetime romanticizing the past. Perhaps out of uncertainty about the future or to grasp onto pain and trauma from our past. Either way, whatever voice is dominant controls the decisions you make today. 

If you are ready to take control of the outcome of your story and change the trajectory you’re on, these 4 steps can guide you towards a future worthy of you. 

It’s time to let go of the stories that are holding you back and harness the mind-chatter that keeps you stuck in a life you don’t even love. 

  1. Distance yourself from your inner dialogue

Your inner dialog is always present. It affects every decision you make. That’s why it’s so hard to set emotions aside when making a difficult decision. Distancing yourself from your inner dialogue takes work and patience, but it will enable you to make more productive choices. 

One effective way to separate yourself from a pattern on repeat is to talk about yourself in the third person. For example: Instead of saying Why did I do that? A statement that confirms that you are a certain way, Ask yourself, Why did you just do that? This separates you from the event. Allowing your brain to analyze things from a clearer perspective. 

This works in the same way as switching your thoughts from…

  • I am depressed to I feel depressed
  • I am starving to I feel starving
  • I am vulnerable to I feel vulnerable
  • I hate him to I feel hate towards him

Can you feel the difference in your body when you make this change? One is making the emotion a part of who you are and the other creates a distance because it is not who you are but rather how you are currently feeling. 

Our brains understand that we can move beyond something we feel more than it understands moving beyond something we are. 

Why this is helpful?

Using this technique helps us to cope with past trauma. It helps us understand we are not our emotions. Creating this border helps us realize that the things that make us anxious, depressed, vulnerable, etc. are emotion-based and can change. When our minds are open we can self-reflect in a more immersive way. This leads us towards growth and understanding instead of just an “I” statement based on a story about a past event that we have romanticized and recreated many times over. 

The next time you are faced with a big decision make sure you are not acting out of emotion or a story based on past events. Distance yourself. Ask the introspective questions that allow you to separate from your constant mind-chatter about who and what you are. See if this technique helps guide you from emotion-based movement to a more rational growth-based movement.

Read more about inner dialog and its effects here.

  1. Turn your thoughts toward awe

Have you ever watched a parent jump through hoops to create an experience of wonder and magic for their kids? It is often paired with a lot of drama, money, and time to get things just right to create these moments. But then you see the parents look of wonder and awe as they watch their kids experience the magic. It is beautiful and sad all in one ball. 

We try to recreate moments that we had or others had to keep wonder alive. Forgetting that awe is happening all around us all the time.

Our minds compartmentalize awe. Somewhere along the line, we decided it was to be reserved for special moments like…

  • The birth of a child
  • Our wedding day
  • The first morning on vacation in a tropical land

Because of this, we tend to put a lot of pressure on these events to be perfect and awe-inspiring. These big events are going to produce moments of awe in the nature of what they are, but they can also be seen and felt right now. 

Look around where you are right now. What do you see? What are you over-looking in your life right now because of the distraction of your mind-chatter?

  • Your cat curled in a ball in the last of the morning sunbeam taking in the rays
  • Your jade plant reaching for the light in nature’s perfect way
  • The pile of clothes thrown over the coach reminding you of the precious people you live with
  • Multiple layers of unread books stacked next to the coach waiting to be read
  • The handmade curtains you made over ten years ago that add color and light to the room

All you see is worthy of gratitude and awe if you take the time to see it. The messiness of life is awe in motion. Not just something reserved for special moments because all life is special. Every moment is special. Your unique life is awe-inspiring and special. 

Train your mind to slow down and notice all that is happening around you. This stops your mind from spinning tales of doom and fear and allows you to open up to the unlimited possibilities of the ever-present now. 

  1. Start a breathing practice

We’ve all heard how fantastic meditation is to get you out of your head and clear your mind, but it also sounds super scary and impractical. A breath practice on the other hand has the same impact as meditating without the intimidating feelings surrounding it. 

When you control your breathing pattern you take back your ability to improve your concentration and focus your mind. Our breath and our mind are duly linked. When one is calm, so is the other. So you can affect your mind by slowing your breath. 

Inhales are associated with the fight or flight  response that sends signals from your nervous system to your brain that things are out of control. Anxious thoughts result in a series of shallow rapid inhales. Exhales, on the other hand, are associated with your rest and digest side of your nervous systems response to the brain. Long, slow deep exhales help calm your mind, heart, and body down. 

By starting a breathing practice you are consciously taking time to focus on what is going on in your body instead of continuing to get lost in the cycles of thoughts in your head. 

As little as 5 minutes of conscious breathing per day can have a dramatic impact in clearing out your mind-chatter and creating space for new thoughts to enter and expand. 

  • Sit up straight right now and soften your gaze. 
  • Take a deep inhale low into your belly. Let your belly expand as the air travels in your nose, down the back of your throat, and deep into your belly. 
  • Hold the air in for 2 seconds before exhaling out slowly as you count to five.

Now do it again. 

  • Inhale, through the nose, for a four count
  • Hold for a 2 count
  • Exhale for a five count
  • Repeat four or five more times

Let your focus be internal. Notice what is happening in your subtle body as the air moves in and out. Notice what parts of your body naturally move, open and expand. Focus solely on the breath.

Boom! You just calmed your nervous system. And you can practice this almost anywhere and at any time. In five short minutes a day you can…

  • Increase awareness of your body
  • Boost your immune system
  • Decrease stress levels in the body
  • Focus your mind
  • Reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression and attention deficit order

Slow, deep, mindful breathing sends a message to your brain that you are calm, cool, and collected. From a calm place you can better harness your mind-chatter and begin to direct your thoughts from a clear perspective.

Read more about the healthy benefits of breathing here.

  1. Stop venting! It doesn’t help

One of the ways we process our thoughts is by talking about them. This is helpful for many reasons. 

  1. It allows us an opportunity to hear our thoughts and decipher weather or not they make sense
  2. It gives those we trust an opportunity to help us process our thoughts
  3. It helps us to understand that our problems aren’t so unique and that there is a way to work through them.

All of this is true if, in fact, we are actually looking for solutions to grow from. Most people are not talking about their problems to find solutions. Most people are venting. And the more we vent about the negative events in our lives the longer the negative event will play out in our minds. We look for support by complaining to others. This bleeds bad energy into your environment and encourages others to suffer alongside you. We’ve all heard the saying, “misery loves company”. 

Unless you are prepared to have a constructive dialogue that moves you towards a solution, venting actually keeps problems stuck in our head.

Day after day you will find that most of your thoughts are on repeat from the same thoughts you experienced yesterday and the day before that. When a negative experience gets stuck in your thought pattern and you spend time and energy sharing those negative thoughts it becomes a programmed cycle that will repeat into your day. That is unless you are seeking resolve. 

The solution here sounds easy enough, yet it can be incredibly challenging. When you speak with your trusted circle of friends and family, approach it from a resolution perspective. For example: if you are having a conflict with someone at work and are feeling angry with them, try to not vent to everyone else in the workplace and start a tug-of-war amongst staff. Instead speak to one person you trust and ask them to hear you out so that you can find solutions together. 

If you want to improve your emotional state then seek solutions in your conversations. This includes owning up to any oversights that come clear as your work through the problem. 

Change the Mind-Chatter

At the end of the day you have very little control over so much of what happens in your life. You do, however, always have control over your thoughts. It begins by being aware of the chatter in your mind and actively taking steps to improve it. 

The fact is that you spend every moment of every day in your head, so you might as well enjoy the thoughts that create this experience. You cannot change the past or predict the future, but you can work on making the most of the current moment and using these healthy tools to guide your mind-chatter into a more productive place. 

When Standing Up For What’s Right Leaves You Feeling Like The Bad Guy

The Hard Reality of Doing the Right Thing

We all know that the right and moral thing to do when becoming aware of the injustices of the world is to speak up. Do the right thing. Don’t sit by and watch it happen. This is something we universally feel is right. But what we don’t talk about is how vulnerable and often alone one feels when speaking up. We forget that the witness is often tossed into a situation that they would rather not be associated with. And how speaking out for what’s right is often at the price of stepping away from something you love. 

It’s probably fair to say that we have all witnessed something along our journey that didn’t sit well within our souls, yet we remained silent. 

  • Silent because we feared being called out ourselves. 
  • Silent because we were trying to fit in. 
  • Silent because our jobs depended on it.
  • Silent because we felt powerless to do anything.

These experiences help us find our courage when another opportunity is shown. Yes, it will still feel scary. You may be shaking as you speak or lose your train of thought. After all, you didn’t anticipate being faced with a moral dilemma today. But you do know what right and wrong feel like, so you can sleep better knowing you had the courage to speak up. 

It seems that in today’s world there are a lot of opportunities to get involved and rally for change, equality, and freedom. The trouble is it is equally as easy to sit behind a computer and judge everyone else without any repercussions. It takes courage to stand up and say something, knowing it would be easier not to. But at what cost are we keeping our mouths shut?

“The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything.” Albert Einstein

Over this past week, a colleague of mine did something that ruffled my feathers! A direct violation of conduct was breached. I was immediately upset and clearly was able to communicate the harmful indecency of the matter. At the time I thought that it went without saying that what this person did was wrong. Being a witness to something that breaks a barrier of human decency and left a fellow colleague embarrassed, belittled, and defeated.

I soon began to realize that others were looking at me as the problem. The organization involved was anxious to sweep this bad behavior under the rug, not wanting to bring too much attention to it, with an attitude of “we all lose our tempers now and again.” They were willing to allow this bad behavior because of this individual’s role within our community. They didn’t want HR involved because of the paper trail it would create and how it could harm this person’s relationship with the organization. 

I was shocked! I knew I couldn’t let this go, and I couldn’t understand how they could let this pass without any kind of repercussion. 

It felt scary to stand up to those telling me to calm down. I began to question myself, and wonder if I really was the problem. 

Thankfully I have my breath practice to help center me when under this kind of pressure. 

One of the things I talk to my clients about all the time is using their breath to stand in their truth. Our breath is so powerful, and because each breathing pattern is associated with a different emotion I was able to discern the strong unsettling emotions I was feeling through a pattern of short tight breaths. I knew this wasn’t normal or right for me, and the more this organization tried to silence me the tighter my breath became. 

I knew that keeping silent to please those around me was the easy path, but that it would start a war within me that I would have to live with for the rest of my life.

Using my breath to center me was my guide. It gave me strength to allow the situation to be uncomfortable. It kept me calm where I could have easily back-pedaled to keep the peace. It allowed me to speak my truth and keep pushing for something to be done or at the very least documented when I could sense the irritation from those in power who would benefit from my silence. 

Before I found my breath my reaction to this situation might have looked very different. I would easily fold at the first sideways glance that I might be causing trouble. I’m a peace-keeper after all, but now, through age and wisdom, I know that sometimes keeping the peace for others can cause years of turmoil within my soul. 

The situation hasn’t been resolved, but steps are being laid to assure prevention of this type of violation of trust and conduct. I believe this path will be long and uncomfortable, but my heart and breath are moving with more ease for sticking with it. 

That’s the thing with breathwork. You never know how valuable it is until you find yourself in a situation where balancing yourself is necessary to proceed. 

If you are interested in using the power of your breath to center and control your emotions in challenging situations, contact me to learn about my one-on-one sessions, or join Breath Mindset. An online course and community designed to help you recognize your own truth being centering into your breath. You can also read up about breathwork in a bunch of my past blogs, like this one, Breathwork is the New Meditation.

Foraging with a Pro

Exploring the Natural World with Alissa Allen

Have you ever wanted to feel more connected to the natural world around you? Have you ever found yourself on a hike wondering what tree you were looking at or whether or not a berry was edible? We are so blessed here in the Pacific Northwest to be surrounded by the wonders of nature. Most of which we know little to nothing about. Alissa Allen is aiming to change all that. 

Connecting With Nature

I had the opportunity to go for a walk in the woods with Alissa over the weekend. Her energy is welcoming and calm and there is a sense of wonder that fills the space. As we begin our short hike through Flaming Geyser State Park she immediately starts pointing out all the wonders that lay at our feet. Fields of Nettles, the first of the season’s Salmonberries, and patches of ground filled with Cottonwood. In the two hours we spent exploring Alissa was able to point out about a dozen varieties of plants and trees and their healing, or medicinal properties. 

Alissa shared with me that she grew up knowing this stuff. Her Mom taught her as a little girl and she’s never stopped discovering in the woods. In fact, she’s made a career out of it. Her love of the great outdoors guided her toward teaching about regional mushrooms and lichen dye palettes. She founded the group Mycopigments and teaches the skill of mushroom and lichen dyeing to fiber arts and mushroom enthusiasts all over the world.

Alissa’s has been featured in publications for both fiber artists and mushroom lovers alike. She discovered this passion in her 20’s and she continues to offer information workshops today. Her foraging has brought her all around the world, including Yosemite where she discovered a new mushroom species. The fungus is named after her: Pouzarella alissae. How totally cool is that.

Alissa is on a mission to inspire people to engage more deeply with nature. This is why I have chosen her to be the opening guest in this season’s Breathe in Nature Series. A series of outdoor adventures geared towards connecting with our breath and nature. Alissa will be joining me on Sunday, April 10th at 9am for the first of 6 adventures. 

Here’s what Alissa has to say about it… 

Wild harvest for a happy heart

Come take a peaceful stroll through the riverside woodland as we slowly take in the natural beauty that surrounds us. Engage all of your senses with the sights, sounds, and fragrances of the forest.

We will talk about forest ecology, healthy habitats, ethical harvest, foraging safety, identification, and processing our finds for use.

You’ll take home recipes for nettle soup, dandelion pickles, balm of Gilead, and more!

Nettles Unmistakable by their leaf shape, prickly appearance, and ability to elicit a painful sting, nettles are one of the most nutritious plant foods found in the spring. Their fiery mechanism is quickly neutralized with bruising and or cooking, which renders them a harmless, luscious green vegetable. Nettles make a comforting emerald soup, a distinctive pesto, and they can be used as a delightful substitute in any recipe that calls for spinach. They are high in iron and other minerals and nutritive when used as tea. 

Balm of Gilead Cottonwood resin is the fragrance of spring. We will be on the lookout for dropped catkins to make our own oil infusion. This oil can be made into a salve, used as a soothing massage oil, or worn as a subtle yet intoxicating natural perfume.

Dandelion with their cheerful yellow glow and friendly association with bees, dandelion flowers are harbingers of warmer days to come. In April, their tightly packed buds are just starting to unfurl. We will look for these hidden gold nuggets for making lacto-fermented pickles. Each chewy bud is a little flavor bomb, packed with vitamins and probiotics – a delectable pickley treat! 

We hope to fill our bags with other tasty nibbles such as spicy watercress, fiddlehead ferns, Japanese knotweed shoots, chickweed, minors lettuce, and more. There are so many wonderful morsels to be collected in the spring months!

Join the Fun

After Alissa, we will be joined by Jill Matterns for a Lunar Eclipse Gong Bath on the full moon of Sunday, May 15th. 

Head over the Breathe in Nature to hear about all the awesome upcoming adventures and to join before it’s too late. 

What Does Embodiment Mean, and Why Is It Essential to Our Happiness?

Breathe Deep to Let Your True Essence Shine

As you grow in your mindfulness practice you probably hear the word embodiment thrown around. But what does it mean? And why is it essential to our happiness?

For as much of a body-obsessed culture that we live in, we actually spend very little time in our bodies. We have cut ourselves off at the neck, using only our thoughts and bouts of pain or pleasure to feel into our bodies. We let our minds take the wheel and drown ourselves in images and data of what the outside world has determined we should look and feel. We have left the joy of feeling our bodies at the door. 

For many women, this cut-off begins around puberty or earlier as we have been trained to see the images of women that represent something we are not. This kind of body dysmorphia leaves us depressed and we hide our bodies for fear of rejection. We learn about pleasure from movies and TV so we can “perform” for the boys. 

We have trauma and abuse from our society all with an underlined virtue in the importance of being sexy for our lives to matter. 

Camille Rainville wrote a moving poem, “Be a Lady They Said” in 2017 that two years later became one of the most heart-wrenchingly profound pieces of art I’ve ever watched about what it means to be a woman. 

Unfortunately, men are falling into this trauma more and more as pressure to look a certain way increases while our lifestyles become more relaxed. We are busy, and sitting, and traveling in automobiles to get everywhere we go. We have our food and everything else delivered so we can stay home and dump more and more data into our minds about the world around us and our place in it. 

This modern lifestyle is super convenient. It’s convenient for all the companies out there who use their time and energy to invest you in them. To help you feel alone, like an outsider, and in need of what they offer. Whether it be a pill, or simply your attention, the goal is to keep you in your head and in mercy to them. 

Breathe into your Body

One of the easiest ways to start feeling your body is through breathwork. You’ve heard it a million times: Just Breathe. And our bodies are craving it, but our mind is in control and doesn’t see the point.

So let’s do it together now.

  • Take a nice deep inhale through your nose
  • Exhale with a sigh
  • Do it again.
  • Now close your eyes and inhale one more time, and feel the breath rise and fall as you inhale and exhale. 

Feels good right?

  • Continue to breathe consciously like this. 
  • Feel the air move into your belly on the inhale and notice the subtlety of movement as you exhale.
  • Continue with this feeling. 
  • Follow your breath 
  • With each exhale find yourself relaxing through your shoulders, your jaw, your belly. 
  • Perhaps even placing one or both hands over your heart and just being present in this moment.

If you are taking time to do this, even as you read, you are probably noticing a feeling of ease come over you. You may notice your mind has slowed and there is a sense of joy and connection within your body. 

This is how the embodiment experience begins. It begins with slowing down and becoming aware.

Awareness

The first time I did a breathwork session my entire face was tingling and my hands morphed up into claws. I was numb and completely vulnerable. Once the hour-long session ended I realized I had streams of water flowing from my eyes and I was feeling such a powerful release of energy and emotion that I didn’t understand what the hell had just happened. 

The only thing I knew for certain was that I wanted to feel more. 

At the time I didn’t understand what was happening or what embodiment meant, but I started to see the power breath was bringing into my body. Every time I consciously started to breathe, and let the breath guide me into my body, I felt more open and expansive. I started to reconnect to dormant information within my body and gradually I have been able to release that stagnant energy out of my body using my breath. 

We store emotion, hurt, trauma, and feelings of shame in the body. We bury it within us and then cut off access to feeling it because it feels too painful. We lose that connection and rationalize it through our thoughts. 

When we talk about embodiment it’s not really a question of what you’re thinking, but where you’re thinking. 

Inner Intuition

With so much information being thrown around daily it’s hard to keep up and decipher truth from deception. The media is doing a great job of telling us what we need or don’t need, what’s important or unimportant, whom we should hate and whom we should adore. All we need is that seed to be planted for an idea to take on a life of its own. 

Breathwork helps us travel inward. It helps us take pause in the questions of the day so we can tap into our inner intuition and start deciding for ourselves what feels right in our bodies. 

Once our body is engaged we begin to feel into situations in our lives instead of analyzing them. We begin to grow up feeling more confident and in control of our body and thus our emotions. 

Embodying our perfectly imperfect bodies helps us to stand confidently when life feels hard and our insecurities are revealed. 

Taking ownership of your body is a huge step. Taking ownership means you are ready to breathe into the pain and air out old emotions and trauma. It means you are going to deal with uncomfortable emotions, people, and situations in the moment. It means becoming whole. Dancing in the rain, feeling the cold breeze hit your back, moving your body in new and challenging ways, and allowing yourself to illuminate from the inside out. 

Embodiment asks you to breathe into the spaces you’ve covered up early in your development and allow room to shift and move through that discomfort. Mindfulness is a daily practice and body awareness asks us to join this daily practice to listen, to observe, to notice. Your breath is your anchor. It’s the portal from the outer world to your inner experience. Whole-body living is connecting your breath to your mind in a way that opens you. In a way that helps you feel alive, rested, and in control of your life and your experience. 

The outside world will always find ways to showcase what is wrong with you and what you need to be doing. Embodiment is feeling into which of those messages are right for you and which you can throw by the wayside.

As you walk this path that is your life you will be continuously challenged and questioned about your choices. How you decide to show up and live is all about how you embody those choices. Anchor into your breath, feel stillness from deep within and walk confidently towards your true potential. 

***If you are interested in going deeper on a journey into connecting with your breath, check out my online course, Breath Mindset, and begin your embodiment journey today. 

Don’t Let Bottled Up Anger Seep Into Your Body and Explode

The Importance of Letting Anger Go

Do you ever wake up angry?

Like really angry, and without any real reason? Then everything you do seems to attract a cascade of situations that keep you boiling up inside?

Or maybe you do have a reason. Something is going on in your life that you can’t seem to get beyond. Or perhaps it’s a combo. I mean there is a lot going on in this chaotic muddled world and it’s easy to find something to be angry about. 

That was me this morning. I woke up irritable. It was pouring down rain, gloomy, and I found myself stuck behind the slowest drivers on the road no matter which lane I chose. I arrived for my morning swim late and the pool was already full. I took time to stretch and breathe so I could assess which lane to approach. I decided on the lane with one lady who promptly told me that she felt uncomfortable sharing her lane and to choose another. 

I was taken aback. In all my years of swimming, I have only once been told to leave a swim lane, and that was from an old lady we revered to as “the wart” when I was 12 years old. I felt rejected, attacked, and caught off guard. So I did what any kind, civil, caring adult would do; I smiled, said okay, and moved into the next lane over. 

I proceeded to swim with a certain amount of aggression. How dare she! Who does she think she is? I grew up at this pool and I’m here all the time! Swimmers aren’t nasty people! Does she think I’m gonna slow her down? I’ll show her who’s slow. 

And that is how the next hour of my life went: Angry swimming because someone didn’t want to share their lane. 

Ask Yourself: Can I Let This Go?

As I was changing, more relaxed, I started to realize how irrational I was being. I don’t know this lady. We are still in a COVID situation. She might have special needs or feel anxious to have another swimmer in the lane. She has left the pool, the situation (was it even a situation?) is over yet I keep rumbling on in my head. 

How silly, I thought, because I know one thing for certain, and that is that whatever her issue was it has nothing to do with me. 

You’ve done this, right?

Instead of just moving along from a casual encounter you start in on the situation. Instead of rationalizing that this has nothing to do with you, your ego decides to have a field day full of sweet revenge for a stranger who said or did something that didn’t sit right. 

But because you are a caring individual you harbor that shit. 

You stuff it all in because you don’t want to… 

  • seem rude
  • be rejected
  • feel judged or
  • get singled out

You Are Not Alone

We’ve all felt some version of this and most of the time it’s subconscious. Often we might not realize these feelings until later when we can see the whole situation.

Instead, we just let things simmer because they seem small or irrational or not worth making a scene.

This is the problem: when we don’t process the anger we feel, we carry it around in our bodies.

We stuff it down because we are nice people and anger is not an option.  

Whether you picked these thoughts up from your family or school or life experience, we all know how terrible it feels to be singled out in ways that make us feel threatened, uncomfortable, or irrationally unimportant. We understand the consequences and know how harmful anger can be. This makes our feelings of anger incredibly tricky.

We suppress and suppress and let outside beliefs and values bury into our minds. We don’t want to offend or be challenged by someone else. But by not speaking up or standing up and voicing your opinions you are devaluing your own right to be seen and heard. Our voice becomes smaller and smaller, then one day you are at the pool and let a silly comment ruin your workout. 

Anger is a completely normal emotion. A very powerful one and one that we have been told is bad. Although unmanaged anger is bad, the emotion itself is a signal that something is off. Typically it reflects something in your outer world not aligning with a belief you have about how the world is supposed to be. 

Next time instead of allowing your ego to run wild and take complete power over you when you feel anger, try stepping back and taking a couple of deep mindful breaths. You can choose to not actively express your thoughts, but you may also realize it’s not necessary for any of these strong emotions to play out a tirade of finger-pointing either. 

It’s time to break the anger patterns within you.

  • It’s time to be brave and own your anger so you can process through it.
  • It’s time to ask why you get wrapped up in thoughts of hate and aggression.
  • It’s time to start sharing our stories and thoughts about why we bury these difficult emotions.
  • It’s time to let go of the potential judgment of someone else.
  • It’s time to start directing our minds in a more compassionate arena of thought.
  • It’s time to understand that you are worthy of being seen and heard.

It’s time to toss suppressed anger into the inferno and shed yourself of shame. 

When you choose to not deal with anger it waits under the surface for an opportunity to explode. Learning to deal with anger in a healthy way shows maturity. It can be challenging, but at the end of the day anger keeps us small and limits our power and purpose. 

Breathwork is my go-to way of dealing with anger. Just like hitting the gym is a powerful way to let that anger go, so is breathwork. 

Powerful, energizing breath practices can help amp you up so you can settle down, or calming breath practices to give you pause between your thoughts. 

Two powerful breath practices for helping alleviate anger are Ego Eradicator and 4-7-8 method of breathing. 

Ego Eradicator

Ego Eradicator is a version of Breath of Fire: A rapid exhale way of breathing that simulates the sound and movement of a sneeze. The exhale is forced out while the inhale happens naturally without thought. This works wonders for calming anger and ego issues that arise. 

  • This is performed sitting with your arms straight up and out at a 60-degree angle. 
  • Fingers tucked into the pads of your hand and thumbs raise. 

The trick here is to forcibly and rapidly exhale for three minutes while keeping your elbows straight and arms firm at that 60 degrees. 

Your focus either on your third eye point or open with a soft gaze down towards the tip of your nose. 

This breathing practice begins to feel like a meditation that you are forcefully breathing through. It helps clear the lungs of stagnant energy and opens the channels to your heart. This calms your mind and helps reduce thoughts and feelings of anger held in the body.

4-7-8 Method

When you are angry you’ll notice your breath becomes shallow and quick. When you notice this you can immediately calm yourself by slowing and deepening your breath. 

  • Start slowly by inhaling into your nose for three seconds
  • holding your breath for two seconds
  • then exhaling out the mouth for four seconds. 

This can feel challenging when your heart is beating fast and thoughts of anger fill your mind. This slow exaggeration of your breath is a great start. Once you have this down you can start to add a second to each: breathing in for four seconds, holding for 3, 4, 5, 6, up to 7 seconds, then exhaling for 5, 6, then 7, and 8 exhales. 

The ratio of 4-7-8 being the height of slowing and calming you down. This is a gradual way to ease out of anger. The key is to keep the focus on your breath. In through the nose, hold, then let the exhale be longer than the inhale and out the mouth. 

10 rounds of this and you will feel your muscles relax, your mind calm, and more in balance. 

Both techniques offer an opportunity to get out of your head and into nurturing the body. 

Your breath is a key component in self-regulating your nervous system. Anger comes from a place deeply rooted in self-preservation. It’s best to handle anger as quickly as possible. Instead of getting angry for being angry and starting a cycle of blame, try turning to your breath and see how quickly it can all turn around. 

I am always curious how these techniques work for others and love to hear your success stories. As a certified breath coach I am on a mission to help all breathe more deeply and with purpose. If you’re interested in learning more, check out my online course, Breath Mindset, and begin your breathing journey today. 

Take Massive Action to Live a Life You Love Living

Only with true authenticity can your abundance flow

We all have that friend whose life looks like a total dream. They have the family, the house, the amazing job and from the outside, you’d say they have it all. But after spending an afternoon with them you realize that they feel empty or aimless in their journey. They have checked off all the boxes but something is missing and it’s leaving them wanting more. 

Maybe this is a friend, or perhaps it’s you. 

A dear friend of mine has lived a rich and full life despite being to hell and back. He’s maintained a truly healthy outlook and the wisdom he holds can seriously change the trajectory of many young men’s lives. He’s passionate and he has an incredible story about overcoming personal demons and breaking old patterns. Whenever we get together he tells me he wants to write a book, but he’s never put pen to paper. 

The reason?

He’s worried about what his family will think. He’s worried about the backlash from people he loves for being open and honest about his journey. He has within him the power to help and mentor thousands and he knows it, but he’s too afraid of being seen. 

Sound like someone you know? 

So many of us struggle with similar challenges. Passionate people who are afraid of their own truth. People live lives that look good on paper while their true identity lies dormant inside. 

I know people who have far more money, influence, resources, and experience than myself who say they wish they could do what I do. Well, maybe not be a breath coach, but live life on their own terms. And they absolutely can! But instead they…

  • Stay stuck at a job for the money or benefits even though they have plenty to get by while building their dream career. 
  • Buy a huge home in the suburbs then drive 2 hours to and from work every day and never get to enjoy it.
  • Commit to an unhealthy relationship because they’ve been with the person so long it’s easier than separating.

We’ve all struggled with letting our true nature shine through in order to “keep the peace. But here’s my question to you…

Do you honestly believe that true abundance flows to someone who is not living in line with who they truly are?

You must be willing to share and embrace the uncomfortableness of who and what you are in order to truly shine and for abundance to flow. 

You can live your whole life doing everything right and by the book, but if it doesn’t align with who you are on the inside then you will feel empty.

You will walk through your everyday life feeling like something is missing and this will leave you bitter with regret. 

But there is a way to turn it all around. 

Start taking massive action. You can’t think yourself out of a mindset or limiting belief, you must act. Move! Get that energy flowing. Let it be messy, let it be uncomfortable, let it be full of raw emotion and mystery, just start taking action. Don’t get stuck in the “one day” mentality. 

  • Start writing one page of that book
  • Buy the school bus and start converting it. (seriously I want a skoolie)
  • Make a budget for a year off work to pursue your dreams
  • Start sewing that jacket
  • Create space for yoga in your home
  • Invest in that workshop

The fastest way to push out the stagnant air is to push yourself into action! Your future life is waiting for you on the other side. And that new life comes with true abundance. 

Stop living the dreams of your parents. Stop striving for goals you aren’t invested in. Start doing things that align you with your dream life. Get that momentum going.

And here is where my online course, Breath Mindset can help. 

  • Carving out time each day to create space in your head to see clearly. 
  • Helping you to put your gifts into action towards a life worthy of you. 
  • A program that helps hold you accountable for your goals and sees you through to the finish line. 
  • The power of breathwork aligned with a healthy mindset can transform your life into an abundant one. 

Although people are joining our online community all the time, the beginning of the month is ideal because every Monday I show up and demo the weekly breathing with a group of members all dedicated to helping each other succeed. 

You have something inside you that is longing to get out, you just need tools to help you stand in your power and speak your truth. Breath Mindset is a simple, not easy, way to help you break free from the traps of scarcity in your mind and guide you forward into abundance beyond comparison in your life. 

So what do you say? Are you ready for real change? Then join me, and I’ll see you on the inside.