Now is the Time to Break Through the Face of Defeat
From a very young age, we are lumped into groups. Groups that help us identify who we are, groups that give us a sense of community, and groups that ultimately shape the world around us. We are put into groups to help the world communicate to us in a particular way and we, in turn, learn how to communicate with the world. This is why breaking old mindset patterns is so challenging. Mindset often goes beyond what we believe. Old beliefs about who we are have been ingrained in us and have conditioned us into the lives we live.
From as early as I can remember I knew I wasn’t smart. All the tests told me so and teachers told me so. From as early as first grade I remember missing out on recess and schoolwide events because I was behind in my work. I remember getting laughed at for not knowing how to count back change in the second grade, and I remember having to leave the classroom to get extra help with my work along with the mentally challenged kids.
As I grew up it didn’t get easier, and at some point, I stopped trying. In my mind, I knew I was never going to be good at school. They showed me so, and as my other peers were praised for being “gifted” I began to understand my place in the system.
I was categorized by how well I performed in the classroom and I slowly conditioned myself to believe it.
My peers were others, like me, who saw their place and turned to jokes to cover the pain of feeling like a failure. It was no wonder that I ran from our education system the moment I could. Continuing my search for belonging in fields, opportunity, and people outside the normal status quo.
Ultimately for me, this was a gift in many ways.
- It almost forced me to live a more creative life. One I wouldn’t change for anything.
- It allowed me to use creative thinking to solve problems in my life.
- It opened me up to people and opportunities that were less mainstream
All things I am grateful for.
It also left me with an idea that I would never be good enough. And because I believed that to be true it has been a reflection of many things in my life.
Now, in my mid-forties, I’m angry because I lost so many years to an idea that was ingrained in me as a child. I’m angry that I live in a world that promotes this idea of categorizing children as “gifted”. I’m angry because I know that a child’s intelligence rarely has anything to do with who they are, and more to do with what they are told they are.
Fortunately for me, I had parents who told me otherwise. Who encouraged me to think and grow at my own speed, and who continue to show me love even when they are unclear of the paths in life I choose to walk. Even so, the expectations between my sister and I continue to be very different, as families also fall into categorizing each other and lead us into a variety of expectations.
Perhaps you have experienced a similar experience in school. Perhaps you were lumped into a category that allowed you to pass through the cracks of our education system with little belief in yourself.
Maybe, like me, you are searching for a way to break through your old limiting beliefs.
As I grow in my mindset work, I can see clearly that this is the growing edge I have come up with. The edge I must breakthrough in order for my own company Breath Mindset, to truly be successful.
During my morning breath practices this week I’ve been hitting that edge. I can’t seem to breathe deeply. A blockage has appeared in my mid-back just to the right of my spine. It is painful to breathe deep and I have been approaching my work in this area tenderly.
The questions I am forced to ask are…
- What is causing this blockage?
- Why am I not allowing this discomfort to move through my body?
- Where did this sudden discomfort come from?
In the quiet of my morning routine, the answers have poured out of my eyes through streams of tears as it all became so clear.
It is time for me to shed this old limiting belief and step into my value. The pain in my back is the result of a lifelong belief that I am ready to let go of.
Breathwork is my tool, and mindset work is the motivator.
Only I can choose how I grow from here. It’s not always easy, and it’s important to share. We are all growing through some sort of limiting belief buried inside of us. Preventing us from stepping into our power. Once you can identify where your work is, you must be willing to breathe into it. Expose the truth, the hurt, the anger, and step into the knowledge that you no longer need to identify with it.
It takes courage to face the beasts of our past. To say I am vulnerable and unsure of what the new version of me will look like. Please know I am in the midst of the work myself. Not a polished product with answers to give, but a working, living diagram of the knowledge I myself am seeking.
This breath is not always easy, but one must be willing to sit in the rain if you truly want to enjoy the rainbow.
Every day as I do this work I am not always sure of the path that lay before me. I am not 100% confident that this is going to work out. But I do know that if I continue to show up and do the work it will be rewarding. I know now that I am smart enough to figure this out. I know now that I was never meant for a 9-5 job and the school system just helped ensure that I didn’t end up in one.
My path continues to be windy and unpaved, but I am smart enough to know that I can leave a map for others to follow. I am smart enough to know that by being alive on this planet today I have something to offer. I am wise enough now to know that my purpose and passion is not to be smart, but to be kind. To offer service to others who struggle with belonging and purpose and to show them that they hold within themselves the power to change their life. And that they, you, can do it one breath at a time.