Tag: mental health

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3 Ways to Guide Your Energy Back to the Outcome You Seek

Energy Flows Where Your Attention Goes

Have you ever noticed that in times when it feels like you’re fighting an uphill battle your thinking might not be the best? It’s natural to start seeing obstacles as permanent fixtures when your focus is on all the negatives. This is because energy flows where your attention goes. Tony Robbins said it best, “To get what you really want in life, you need a clear goal that has purpose and meaning behind it.” This doesn’t mean there won’t be obstacles, it just means you learn how to shift your focus to stay present with the reality you seek.

We all have times in life when things just aren’t going well. The hard part is recognizing those negative thoughts that set you spiraling and redirecting them in the moment. This can be challenging since so many of our thought patterns are a product of our unconscious mind. 

The next time you find yourself in a negative thought loop, here are three ways to guide you back into the present so you can redirect your thoughts onto the outcomes you want to see.

  1. Change The Story You Tell Yourself

If you are looking around at your home, work, and relationships and not seeing what you like, then you need to change your narrative. We all have voices in our heads that are unconsciously playing a role in how we view our life. Many of these thoughts are holding you back!

When you find yourself blaming others for your terrible work life or lazy partner, it’s a sign that you’re not taking ownership of your own life. The blame game keeps you safe from having to own the fact that you played a role in the design of your life. 

Of course, there are many things outside of our control, in fact, most things are. 

  • The past
  • The future
  • The economy
  • Natural disasters
  • Other people’s actions, thoughts, desires, and beliefs

Focusing on what is out of your control is counterproductive.

Throughout the history of time, people from far worse circumstances have overcome adversity. A quick way to change the story you tell yourself is to read about these people. Let yourself be inspired by the underdog. Learn about how people like… 

  • Harriet Tubman escaped enslavement and went on to help her family and many others do the same by enlisting help through the underground railroad. 
  • How Abraham Lincoln overcame chronic depression by adhering to a purpose bigger than himself. 
  • And how the diary of 13-year-old Anne Frank continues to inspire by reminding us of the small joys in life and finding appreciation in every moment. 

Try and read about people who transformed their lives and the lives of others and not be inspired to make a move. Notice how the acts of these great leaders start to stir up radical transformation inside of you. 

  1. Take Action 

Taking control of the direction of your dreams means you take action. Inspired or not, just get moving. 

  • The coach is a trap of comfort
  • Your job is a trap for income
  • Toxic relationships are a trap of attachment
  • Living small is a trap of fear

You’re robbing yourself of living your life to your full potential when you don’t take action. 

When you commit to taking action, even a small step in the direction of your goals, your confidence begins to rise. Think about it: Have you ever taken a risk when your confidence was low? I’d be willing to bet that you haven’t. 

It’s time to reclaim your confidence by taking action. Whatever that looks like for you, small or large just start moving!

  • Clean the house, or a room, or a countertop
  • Make the phone call, the email, or the text
  • Write down a goal, vision, or dream
  • Get intentional with your family, friends, and coworkers

We live in an amazing universe that supports the flow of energy. What you focus on sees you and will start to walk towards you the moment you decide with commitment and purpose to walk towards it. I don’t care what it is, focus on more free time or income or ease and stop allowing the obstacles to be the focus. 

Obstacles are just another way the universe is checking in to make sure you really want what you seek. They aren’t meant to be your focus. 

What brings you confidence? Focus on that. Do more of that. Take action on that.

  1. Keep Consistent

With confidence, action, and ownership you are already ahead of so many in the energy game. So many who don’t understand that everything is energy. Including all the things they’re complaining about. Life can be hard or it can be fun, the difference all depends on where your energy flows. You are in the driver’s seat of your life regardless of if you are steering the wheel or not. 

It’s normal to have good days, and bad days, but the key is to stay consistent with your focus. 

Transformation takes time and demands you to keep consistent. A solid routine will help you with this when those hard days arise. 

Owning your experience is a powerful thing, but it comes at a price. 

  • Some may not like that you’ve changed and grown when they are still stuck. 
  • Some will be inspired by your actions. 

That has to do with their focus so don’t worry about it. You just keep consistently fueling your energy into the life you desire, and all things will fall into place. 

Look at anyone who is successfully living the life you desire. They are doing something, probably many things, on a consistent basis that support this lifestyle. Learn from them. Watch them. See how they navigate through challenges and be inspired. Just as someone is looking to you for inspiration, you too must be that example for others. It’s part of what will keep you consistent. 

Believe In The Energy You’re Creating

 It’s an absolute fact that energy is all around you. You have the ability to tap into any energy field you want. And with the right focus, you can step into all you desire. 

Look inside, and figure out what you truly desire. It’s not going to happen without focus. Take action toward this new story, and you will connect with the energy you guide your attention to. 

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Escapism, Addiction, and the Paralyzing Trap of Online Gaming

How to Break the Cycle and Get Back on Track in Your Life

You know that game you love to play on your smartphone? The one that is riddled with ads for other games marketed to get you to download even more games? The ads that you are forced to watch so you can continue to the next round of solitaire that sometimes, just … maybe … sometimes you decide to download and try. I did that this week, and realized after six hours of gameplay that I was developing an addiction fast, and needed to delete the game before it became an unhealthy habit. 

These games are designed for quick wins that produce a never-ending supply to your dopamine drip. 

Six hours of my Sunday gone and I didn’t even realize what was happening. All I knew was that the grain needed to get harvested, the cows needed more food, and the townspeople each had a list of goods that they were waiting on me, the Mayor, to supply. 

It was… 

  • mildly stressful because I’m a pleaser and wanted to deliver in a timely fashion. 
  • rewarding because my crops grew fast.
  • mindless enough that it didn’t take much effort.

As I became aware of the time it was sucking from my day I knew I must delete this game now or I would never walk away. The addiction was already strong. I mean, if I just waited for 3 more minutes the cheese would be done and I could fill that order! Then if I hung out for 7 more minutes the tomatoes would be ready for harvest and I could plant the sugar cane for the school teacher. And since I’m here I might as well wait an additional 2 minutes and collect the eggs. 

You see my issue. 

There was never a good time to turn it off. I couldn’t just walk away. I knew the carrots were ready and if I planned it just right I could plant another crop before I fell asleep so it would be ready when I woke up. 

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

This started spiraling fast. 

When I play Flow Free it’s like five minutes a game and I’m out. Just one puzzle is all I need. But this isn’t just a puzzle, it’s a world. I have responsibilities! I’m the mayor!

I woke up Monday thinking about my crops and knew what I had to do. 

I grabbed my phone and deleted the app and went to take a shower. Letting the water cleanse away any lingering thoughts about what supplies might have arrived with the morning train. I would never know. 

This scared me. 

How could a mindless game inch its way into my life so easily and take control of six hours of my time? The time I need to work on my business. 

The award center of my brain was on fire. I was doing good things and could see quick progress – something less accessible in my real-world business. 

  • The harvest I crop takes more time. 
  • The connections I’m building aren’t artificial.
  • The rewards are fewer and further apart.
  • The work is harder and I sometimes feel lost.

Is this what escapism is? Addiction? Boredom? Depression? A little of all of these things?

It’s easy to see how mindless these games are. Watching time tick away when you have real responsibilities feels paralyzing. In the game, I know exactly what I need to do, what’s expected of me, and how I will be rewarded. 

In my life, I have no answers. 

It’s unclear if what I’m doing is actually going to work out. I don’t have a clear road map of what my business should look like and what others expect of me. Certainly, there is no way to know what the reward for my work will look or feel like. 

I chose to be an entrepreneur. I knew it was going to come with long bouts of uncertainty. But I didn’t anticipate downloading a game that would awaken such a deep need to serve and succeed. 

Breaking the Cycle

If you find yourself, as I did, stuck in a cycle of not wanting to turn away from the quick hit of your dopamine, then listen up. There is a way to quit. But like all things necessary for success, it’s not going to feel easy. At least not at first. 

Step 1. Move Your Focus

First, you need to start transitioning your time away from the game. This might mean finding ways to fill your time that is equally rewarding. 

For instance, you can set up your daily tasks with rewards. If you think you can handle it, one reward might be 10 minutes to check in on your crops and fill the orders left by the townspeople. For me, this is too risky. My rewards are more like a star chart. This gives me a visual of how I’m doing. Seeing forward motion and offering myself a treat once I hit 10 stars on my chart. For me this is ice cream from my favorite ice cream parlor, Molly Moons. 

I get a star for every workshop I book, client I land, and article I post. This adds up fairly quickly. Not as quickly as my virtual crops, but it helps keep my focus where it needs to be. 

Step 2. Delete the Game 

If you haven’t gone cold turkey, as I did, it’s totally ok. Six hours in one stretch was enough for me to see there was an issue. For you, it might look more like an hour a day every day for the past 6 months. Whatever the case, if you’re here, reading this, you know there’s an issue to be dealt with. So do it. Delete the game. Or at the very least, put a stop timer on your phone and block yourself from playing it for more than 20 minutes per day. And if that sounds hard, then make it 15. 

I know, I’m so mean. 

Step 3. Journal Your Success

And finally… Start a journal of daily wins for yourself. Every night before bed write down three things you did that day that you consider a win. It doesn’t have to do with your business, it can be family things or friend things. Heck, it could be that you didn’t get caught up in your online world. Wins can be big or small. 

Wins help you to focus your brain on all the good things you are accomplishing during the day and start seeing them as positive choices that are moving your life forward in a productive way. 

The more you can do this, the less you will be drawn back to the fake world you’ve been wasting time in. Yes, you got to be mayor. In that world, you had power, and crops, and chickens too, but the more you begin to separate yourself from that, the more you will open your eyes to all the real things that surround you. 

The truth is, you are the mayor of your world. You hold all the power. It’s up to you to choose to spend it online and accomplish nothing real or to turn the game off and start producing the results you want to see here, now, in this shared reality; building something you can be proud of. Because that is the ultimate dopamine high my friends.

Reach out and let me know how the transition is going for you. What rewards are you finding in your life and where are you getting stuck? What online trap has left you looking for a support group? And what tool has worked best to prevent a relapse? 

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The One Tool You’re Missing That Will Guarantee Success!

Hint, It Can’t Be Found in a $2000 Mastermind Class

You have big plans and you know how to put those plans into action. You are one smart cookie, so when it comes to running your small business you do all the research. But is that research holding you back?

It’s hard to avoid the trap of keeping up with the latest industry leaders telling you what your business needs to succeed. Hundreds of Instagram reels and TikTok videos are created daily that claim to hold the secret ingredient to your financial freedom.

If you’re anything like me you have all the information. You’ve read all the books. You’ve gone to dozens of online workshops and sat through a variety of masterminds. Your head is exploding with all the right marketing material. 

Here’s the thing tho…

The one tool you’re missing that will guarantee success is not one class away. You are obsessed with consuming information and it’s blinding you to the most powerful tool you have. 

YOU!

You are your niche.

People who buy from you want to buy from you!

It’s as simple as that. 

If you are ready for guaranteed success then you must bring you to the table. Whatever formula you want to apply that to is great, but you must bring your unique story and vision with you. Resist the urge to become a bland model by listening to the voices outside your head fill you with ideas that blind you from the truth. The truth is that your way must come organically from you. 

Don’t be a Copy

We see it all day long: a copy of a copy of a copy. It makes us feel like we must follow a certain path to success. Trying to emulate what others have done feels deflating. And after you’ve tried and failed it’s easy to lose steam. But when you finally have had enough, you will start to forge your own path. 

You will start to realize that no one is your competition except you! Because no one can offer what you have to offer.

The Mind Game

When I started my breath business I had a false perception of why people came to me. I was looking outside myself for a roadmap but was unhappy with every map I saw. I tried and failed many things; reels, lives, daily posts, and working the yoga studio circuit. It was messy and didn’t feel real or right. I was trying to do what others had done. I had forgotten that it was me! People filled my classes because they liked me, my energy, my message, and the way I delivered the information. 

It wasn’t because I had flashy ads, or because I’m so darn pretty. I’m not the smartest or the most qualified, but I make things accessible, and I help people feel seen and heard. I allow them to process and I make things fun. This is who I am. I don’t have a tragic upbringing that I had to overcome. I didn’t go to school to become a doctor in the study. I didn’t hit rock bottom before I made a change. 

I simply started showing up as me. 

Wouldn’t it be fantastic if you could have more success just by being you?

Heck yes, it would!

Welp, go ahead and pat yourself on the back because the moment you decide to show up as your authentic self you will be more successful. 

You Do You

Being authentic helps others to know if you are the right fit. I feel super fortunate to work at a very busy hot yoga studio. I love it! I teach yin yoga and breathwork – two classes you don’t normally associate with a hot yoga studio. I cool the room down for my classes, and I take the intensity that hot yogis love and tune it way down. What was I thinking?

When I first started, the Vinyasa class before me was so packed that it would have been easy for me to feel less than qualified when my classes were only bringing in half of the students. But I don’t teach Vinyasa. Heck, I don’t teach any form of hot yoga at all! I don’t even really like to sweat. I do however know that what I offer is a great compliment to the classes there and I know that the students who get it, get it. 

I found my footing in the yoga world, and I found it because I listened to my authentic self. Not because I did what every training told me to do. 

I encourage you to do the same. 

Why Did You Start Your Business Anyway?

We all became entrepreneurs for one reason or another. It’s easy to lose sight of that when there are hundreds of details that take our attention off the prize. It’s important to go back to basics and ask yourself:

  • Why did I start this business?
  • What are my goals? Financial and otherwise
  • What makes me really great at this?
  • How am I different? What makes me stand out?
  • In what ways can I start showing up as my authentic self?
  • Would I buy from me?

Identifying your unique talents and showing up as your authentic self are the things that will guarantee your success. Even if the business doesn’t work or you go a different route, you will have succeeded because you did it authentically. This world is desperate for authenticity.

There will always be space for the I need it now crowd, for the what’s the cheapest crowd, but that’s a race to the bottom and you know it. When you show up authentically as YOU some will not like it and that’s a good thing! There’s a saying, “If you are marketing to everyone, you are marketing to no one.” 

Find your people by presenting yourself authentically and you will be guaranteed success.

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Staying Consistent When You Are Forced to Pivot

Routine and Consistency are Key

As an entrepreneur you find yourself balancing between staying on course and knowing when it’s time to pivot. When things are not going great and you cannot see your progress it may be time to evaluate what the next best move for you would be. 

You may have a set of consistent routines and habits that keep you chugging along, but what happens when those practices are no longer effective? 

The balance struggle in the mind begins. 

  • Do I stick with it?
  • Do I shift it into something better?
  • Do I drop it?

It’s important when making these decisions to not drop a plan to chase a trend. Getting wrapped up in what everyone else is doing is a trap. Staying consistent is the best course of action. 

Consistent Routine

Routine is so important! It helps us build healthy habits that lead to long-term success. The art of the pivot comes into play when you take time to analyze which routines are working and which are not. There is always room for improvement and success leaves clues that can help direct you to make a change or carry on. 

As entrepreneurs, we are constantly watching other successful people. Seeing what moves they make and what is working and what kinds of habits they live by. From the 5am club to cold exposure, everyone has an antidote that they swear by. 

The best habits will always be the ones that you can commit to and do consistently.

Habits and routines are about showing up consistently and performing something whether or not you are in the mood. It’s about discipline. 

Creating a solid morning routine is a great way of starting your day off in a productive manner before all the demands of the day divide your attention. 

If you are looking to move forward in any area of your life you need a consistent routine. 

Routines that help you…

  • Build discipline
  • Have meaning to you
  • Move you closer to your goals
  • Live more fully
  • Provide some control over your life 

It doesn’t matter how successful certain habits and routines have been for other people if that habit or routine doesn’t work for you. You must find the ones that work for you and stick to it. 

Persist or Pivot?

At some point in any consistent routine, there will come a time when it’s hard to commit – when you just don’t feel like moving forward and you no longer see the point. After the excitement is gone it’s a good opportunity to feel the energy you have built around it. 

What does that feel like? And does it make sense to persist through the plateau or pivot in a new direction? 

If you find yourself at a crossroads here are some great questions to ask…

  • Is this working?
  • Is this the best use of my time?
  • Am I enjoying this process?
  • Is this routine moving me closer to my goals?

When a routine becomes stagnant it’s time to re-evaluate. Time to reflect on your why. Why did you implement this routine in the first place and is it still of value?

Take a look back on where you are now from when the routine began and decide if it’s been of value, is still of value, or time to pivot to provide more value. 

Take the Empowered Approach

What is the point of setting aside time for certain routines if it’s not providing value?

By constantly asking yourself this question you are holding yourself accountable. You are ahead of the curve in knowing when it’s time to pivot. If the answer to this question is uncertain you can follow up with… What is a better way? Helping direct our minds to make a fair assessment of when to pivot and when to stay the course. 

Shiny Object Syndrome

Trends are changing all the time. It seems whenever I get used to one social media platform everyone has jumped on to the next. I totally get it. New is exciting and we all suffer from a little bit of FOMO. 

When you are faced with staying the course or pivoting you might want to check your shiny object syndrome radar. The idea that switching from Instagram to TikTok will create a sudden abundance in your career sounds tempting. But at what cost? Essentially you would be starting over again. Building from scratch. Jumping ship to catch another. Moving from one platform to another. And then what happens when TikTok becomes passe and the kids are onto something new? Do you keep moving with the fads? Or do you stay consistent with your current platform and work it out? 

The eagerness you feel about implementing something new can be fueled into your consistent routine. Where can you place these ideas on the platform you already use?

Pivoting is Growth

Pivoting and starting from scratch is challenging. Pivoting a decent routine into a solid routine is better. Pivoting in this way helps ignite some of that excitement you originally had. 

Asking yourself the questions that determine if you pivot or march on is essential for growth. Pivoting a routine shows that you are paying attention and not stuck to old habits and ideas, but are willing to adapt and grow. 

Pivoting from good to great routines will help you stay committed. Give yourself time to play with the new idea and work out the kinks. You can always resort back to the original routine with new insights and motivation. 

Staying excited helps us stay committed. Routines do become just that, routine, and it’s often hard to find the will to show up consistently, but if you understand why you are showing up by asking the questions above you will be better armed with the correct information to keep you excited and moving forward. Pivoting when necessary and shifting gears to better pursue your goals. 

The most important thing is to not give up or give in. This is the point of habits, routines, and committing to showing up. Whether or not a pivot is necessary is small compared to the larger goal at hand. Keep showing up. Keep believing. Keep committed to your outcome and the rest will fall into place. 

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Regulate your Mind and Body by Paying Attention to All Four Parts of Your Breath

Finding Your Power in the Pause with Breath Retention

Did you know there are four parts to the breath? Most conversations centered around breath are broken into two parts: inhalation and exhalation. The space between the inhales and exhales is equally as important. Without the pause that comes at the top of the inhale and the bottom of the exhale you would be breathing much too fast. Hyperventilation is an example of how breathing looks when the pause is removed. 

As you breathe throughout your day this pause is minimal, almost unnoticeable. Every day you breathe in and out over 20,000 times while giving zero thought to the significance. A function of the respiratory system that happens automatically and is vital from your first breath to your last. 

Paying Attention to the Pause

The Navy Seals understand the power of the pause probably better than any other organization. They use it as part of their training because it is an optimizing breath practice that helps you stay calm while improving concentration. It’s no surprise this technique is used by a group of high-performance individuals who are known for being put in extremely tense situations. They understand the importance of all four parts of the breath and how it aids in lowering blood pressure. The Seals need to think clearly at all times and slow, stable breaths help them do just that. 

Breath retention practices help you focus your attention on the pause both at the top and bottom of your breath. By consciously extending the pause to create a breath hold you bring your attention inward. This concentrated activity focuses the mind intently on what’s happening in the body. 

Your breath is your life force, and when you practice breath retention you are cutting off that life force in a controlled manner. Training your autonomic nervous system to stay calm in high-stress situations. 

Regulate Your Mind & Body

This incredibly efficient tool not only teaches the nervous system to remain calm, but it also improves concentration as unnecessary mind chatter becomes less important when your breath is on the line. Your mind begins to devote all attention to the activity at hand. When you are practicing a 30-second or one-minute breath hold your mind has only one focus: a desire for breath. 

Plus you are training your body to be less reactive to strong needs and desires. Slowing the breath and practicing retention from a controlled space helps you to show up more intentionally. Reminding you how good it feels to be in control. And that nice inhalation of air after a retention hold is the best breath of the day. Energy pulses through the body sending a sense of relief to every cell. 

Your breath and your brain are interlinked. One will always follow the other. If you can calm your mind, your breath will follow and if you can calm your breath, the mind will follow. This, of course, works the other way too. If your mind is spinning out of control in rage, lust, or uncertainty, so will the breath. Forcing it to be short and shallow. Moving you into that hyperventilation state where no pause is accounted for. 

Practicing breath retentions help us recognize when we are out of balance and guide our mind and body back into regulation.

Box Breathing

Box breathing is my all-time favorite breath practice. It has been the single best practice for me to clear my mind, feel into my body, and find inspiration. It is as simple as it is effective. 

Conscious breathing does wonders for our health as the respiratory system is connected to all aspects of the body working properly. 

Dedicating time to not only notice your breath but also to pay attention to the pause is incredible healing. It has helped me to see my intrinsic connection to all things as I receive breath, hold breath, offer breath, and am breath. 

Simple 5-minute practice

  • Set a time for 5 minutes
  • Find a comfortable seat, crisscross or hips to heels on the floor, or if in a chair: move to the edge so your feet are firmly planted and your spine is straight.
  • Soften your gaze
  • Bring your attention to your breath.
    • Notice where your breath naturally wants to travel
    • Allow your body to move gently with the breath
    • Guide your breath through your lungs and into your abdomen
  • Exhale all the air out through pursed lips
  • Seal off the lips and inhale deeply through the nose filling up your belly, ribcage, and chest as you count to 4.
  • With your body full of air, hold as you mentally count to 4 again.
  • Exhale slowly and unrushed as you once again count to 4
  • At the bottom of the exhale close off the mouth and hold as you count to 4
  • Inhale and repeat the 4x4x4x4 cycle until the 5-minute alarm sounds.

The first few rounds might feel uneasy or lopsided. But if you stick with it the process begins to be something you can feel. You become calmer and relaxed.

If a 4-count feels easy, count to 5. If it feels tough, count to 3. There is no rule. The best way to begin working with breath retention is to start. Teach yourself how to control your breath. Notice where your breath is traveling. Get curious about what comes up both emotionally and sensationally. These are all clues that will help you better understand yourself and your connection to the world around you. 

5 Minutes a Day

Breathwork is a meditation, and in 5 minutes a day, you will set yourself on a path to health, insight, and growth. Breath retention becomes a fun and relaxing activity that you won’t want to miss. You will begin to notice that moment when your inhale becomes an exhale, and when your exhale becomes the wave of the next inhale. There is a powerful connection between your breath and the world around you. If you are looking to deepen your practice and want some guidance along the way, check out my 4-week self-led online course, Breath Mindset, and feel free to leave me a note here as well. 

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Learning to Create Your Own Algorithm Through Visualization

Your Life is a Mirror

What do you see when you look in the mirror? If you’re not mindful of your thoughts you could get stuck in a repetitive cycle of constantly focusing on what you don’t like. Your life mirrors your thoughts, both good and bad, so the question is: Are you happy with the images and thoughts you’re reflecting?

Feeling content and happy with your life comes as a result of where you are putting your focus. I saw a post yesterday from Brendon Burchard, “Something weird I noticed this year: many people are very active every day on social media and replying and commenting to random people, but they won’t return text and voice messages of their real friends and family for days.”

Ouch! How many of us fall into this? Sometimes I find myself so busy building my business and connecting with people that I don’t take the time to check on those I love. It’s easy to mask who we are and get lost online when we do this. 

Social media is here to stay and has the potential to blur the mirror of who we really are. 

The perfect Instagram life is shallow. A messy reality is deep. 

But social media can be helpful in attracting your eye to the things and people who interest you. This all affects your mindset and can help you to develop the vision of your life into a clear path of who you want to be. 

Visualization helps us reflect the mirror we seek. 

Take a look at your Instagram, Pinterest, or whatever platform you use to express and experience our collective web. The images and products aren’t there by accident. They are an algorithm of your likes, comments, and follows. 

It’s easy to see how this mirrors your thoughts, so again, you should ask: Do you like what you see? Is it helping you feel good about yourself and the world around you? Are they bringing you closer to the vision you have for yourself so you can wake up each morning excited about the day?

We are lucky to live in a time when we have so many choices! Achieving big goals and living a life suitable for you is more accessible than ever. Believing that your goals can be a reality for you is as simple as directing your focus on what you want and reaching in that direction. 

Simple, yet not always easy. 

The easy thing to do is get caught in the self-perpetuating cycle of why certain things and lifestyles are not possible for you. 

Focusing on the reasons you haven’t achieved your goals is dangerous because your life is at risk of becoming a mirror that reflects failure, pain, and regret. Then you start attracting more of that into your life and resentment and shame start to show up everywhere. 

True desires and feelings will be expressed in positive or negative ways, and it all depends on your focus. 

If you find yourself shallow thinking or enviously focused, don’t worry! We’ve all been there. 

Turning the mirror from a negative to a positive cycle can start happening the moment you decide your life is worth it. 

If you are experiencing a plateau in your life and are feeling stuck, begin by moving your thoughts to what you’d like to see happen instead of what you are currently feeling. 

Even in a repetitive cycle of focusing on the negative, there is something to find light in. Something in your life to help you back to a neutral starting point. It might be that you didn’t have to sleep outside in the cold, or that you are able to buy yourself a cup of coffee. Anything! Start there. It’s a practice in gratitude. 

If you haven’t had practice in gratitude work it will feel a little bit like you are lying to yourself. But soon you will start to see all that you have to be grateful for, and from this space, the mirror of what you want to see will grow. 

Realizing you need work in this space is about developing your mindset, and mindset work is always a worthwhile skill to develop. 

Breathwork is my tool for visualizing my own reality and it helps me take back control of where I’m placing my attention and helps redirect me to where I want to go. I do this some days over and over again until I get it. 

Learning to Focus Your Breath

I love breath practices because they are so accessible and everyone has the mechanics to start consciously using them to their benefit. 

Conscious breathing practices put you in your body, and harness you into the moment. This is a great place to jump into meditation or visualization. 

Headphones can be a great ally in this process because here you can focus on your breathing while being led into some deep visualization techniques. There are a ton of great things out there and I am a huge fan of the Calm app because you can find the voices that are best attuned to your frequency. Calm has practices that range from 5-45 minutes in length in making it accessible for your life as well. 

When you are ready to get serious about visualization I highly recommend Dr. Joe Dispenza. He has a couple of recordings free on YouTube, but they are only pieces of the pie and only give you a taste of what he offers. His recordings hold a cadence that takes time to feel into but is always worth the ride. 

Along with the breathwork and visualization, you can also create something of a vision board to gaze upon. Physically seeing your desires is a great tool and this is how I suggest you set up your social media scrolling. Only bringing in the good you want to reflect out. There is a company called Lifebook that can walk you through all areas of your life and help you create your perfect vision. They have a range of options to help make it accessible, but the guidance is valuable. 

There are a ton of online options and you can create your own. Visualization is powerful. And when supported by your breath it can move you into a new reality. Helping you to ask yourself over and over: Am I creating the reality I seek? 

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A Prosperous and Abundant Future Await Those Willing to Breathe Deep 

Take a Closer Look At Your Nervous System and Get Ready For Change

The new year is right around the corner, and just like that, another year of your life has passed. If you are ready to make big leaps in 2023, better review the highs and lows of this past year. How you handled stress and build bridges towards your goals can tell you a lot about where your work is to create a better future. 

A more prosperous and abundant future awaits those who are ready to ask and reflect on questions designed to both challenge you and move your forward with intention. 

If that sounds like you then let’s get to it. 

  • How did you feel emotionally this past year?
  • How was the quality of your thinking? 
  • Were you able to stay focused on what you wanted to see? Or did you spend too much time in anger and regret?
  • What was your relationship with money?
  • Did you see the growth you were hoping for in your personal and professional life?
  • Did you practice self-care? Or were you continually burnt out?

As you reflect on these questions, take note of how they feel in your body. Are any other lingering truths or excuses popping into your thoughts?

Now raise your hand if you’ve felt awkward or uncomfortable asking for your needs to be met over the last year.

My hand is high in the sky! This past year has continued to challenge me at every turn. Every time I made a leap in the right direction I was tested. As though the universe just wanted to make sure I really wanted something to go a certain way. 

These challenges reminded me that change IS challenging! But if you want to keep moving forward and achieve big goals, then you must get ready to be uncomfortable. 

Getting Uncomfortable

If you’re feeling uncomfortable with big and challenging changes in your life, you are not alone. If you feel like your mind is constantly rationalizing you out of your desires, this is normal. 

Getting uncomfortable is a sign that you are pushing through a comfort area. This is good! It means you are ready for growth and opportunity. 

If the questions in your head sound like any of these…

  • They’ll think I’m a fraud
  • I can’t afford to invest in my business
  • I’m asking for too much
  • Do I really need a coach or counselor for my healing?

And if they are coupled with these sensations in your body…

  • Lump in your throat
  • Knot in your stomach
  • Tightness in your chest
  • Shallow breathing

That means you are being pushed to your edge. Your growth edge. This is where…

  • Fear of rejection is met and challenged
  • Guilt from past events are exposed and released
  • Shame you keep hidden is brought to the light and dissolved

These are not feelings any of us wish to have. But it is on the other side of any discomfort that you will see and benefit from growth. 

Listen to Your Body

Your body is constantly giving you signals. Learning to listen to those signals is a great place to start your growth journey. If you’re ready to make the most of this upcoming year, then pay attention to the stories you’ve been telling yourself. You know, the ones that are holding you hostage in a life you don’t even like. 

Your body can tell you if what you are doing at any moment is helping or hurting you. The stories in your head are sending signals to your body that are either working towards building a healthy and beautiful life or keeping you stuck in an old one. 

The real question here is… What is your worth? And are your thoughts worthy of you?

Your Head and Your Nervous System

The stories you tell yourself day after day about what is happening in your life and what is and is not possible don’t actually live in your head. They live in your nervous system. 

Deep within your nervous system is the root of all your stories, and in order to change, you must identify these stories and pull them out from the root. 

Your nervous system houses your emotions and your energy, and it adjusts itself to protect you always. If your stories are constantly fear and lack-driven then your nervous system is reflecting that. This is why your nervous system is a great place to start. 

You can ease your body, and mind by calming your nervous system. 

This doesn’t mean problems will dissolve. But it can mean that how you react to problems will dissolve. Helping you move faster in the direction of the life more worthy of you. 

Let’s imagine what is possible for this upcoming year…

  • Feeling excited to move forward in your business
  • Ready to create more wealth and abundance
  • Spending more quality time with family and friends
  • Getting your finances in order
  • Practicing more self-compassion and health

All of this is available for you now! When you heal the root of your nervous system stories and embody your worth. 

Now is the time to stop running in circles and move into the new year with ease. 

Breathwork is the Ticket!

The simplest way to heal past stories and move into a more abundant and clear future is through breathwork. 

Breathwork helps you attract and manifest your true desires. Taking the time to slow down and consciously breathe energy and life into your body, you begin to realize where you’ve been stuck. Creating an embodied relationship with yourself is vital for transformation. Breathwork can help unlock these blocks, identify the roots of negative stories, and guide you in visualizing a future worthy of you. A total transformation from the inside out. 

Make this year the most abundant yet!

Give breathwork a try and see how it can calm your nervous system in under 5 minutes. Opening you up to see the world and your place in it through a new lens. More clear, more focused, and ready to break through old limiting beliefs. 

Below is a simple 4×4 breathing technique to get you started. 

You are also invited to watch any of my breathing videos on my youtube channel or purchase Breath Mindset, a self-led 4-week online breathing course designed to help move your mindset and breath into coherence. 

4×4 Breathing

  • Be mindful of your posture. Move your back away from any support and plant your feet firmly on the ground.
  • Begin by inhaling through your nose to the count of four. Let the breath come from your belly.
  • Take a slight pause at the top and feel the air move through your body.
  • Exhale fully through the nose to the count of four. Consciously let go of thoughts and toxins that no longer serve you.
  • Take a slight pause at the bottom and feel the stillness in your body
  • Repeat for five cycles.
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3 Mindful ways to invite more peace into your busy holiday season

Skip the Stress and Bring More Presence Into Your Life

For so many the holidays are more draining than energizing. By the time January comes around, we are exhausted instead of ready to concur a new year. Why is this? How can you put a little more “merry and bright” into your season as you bounce from place to place creating holiday cheer?

At every turn you are being bombarded with…

  • Holiday movies and commercials
  • Work requests
  • Family obligations
  • Tradition upkeep
  • Decorating and meal planning
  • Shopping for the perfect gift

Unrealistic expectations of what the holidays should be surround us. I cannot think of a single human I know in my 40 years who’s ever received a car with a huge bow on it for Christmas, yet I see the ads year after year that would indicate that this is actually a thing.

One trip down Pinterest lane and I feel completely unqualified to decorate my home. Picture after picture is gorgeous, and every title exclaims easy and quick tips. Translating these images into my messy life can feel exhausting.

Choose Mindfulness instead

What if you decided to skip the stress this year and approached it from a place of mindfulness? 

  • Being more mindful in your conversations, 
  • Being more mindful about your spending, decorating, and gift giving
  • Being more mindful about your time, energy, and values

How much more rejuvenated would you feel if you felt fully present with those you loved?

I know what you’re thinking… Easier said than done, right?

Adopting a “go-with-the-flow” attitude takes work and time, but the payoff is worth it.

  • It helps you observe your perfect imperfections. 
  • It helps you see where your mind is about things. 
  • It helps you better understand the resistance and pull towards certain activities. 
  • It helps you to stop judging holiday experiences and how others approach them with more tolerance, understanding, and acceptance.

Mindfulness is essential for your mental health. And during the holidays we could all use a dose of that. 

Connecting to more peace in your inner world will help us see and connect to more peace and joy in your outer world. 

The key is to identify mindfulness activities that work for you that you can easily refer to when you feel overwhelmed with obligations. Here are 3 Mindful ways to invite more peace into your busy holiday season.

#1 Breathwork

The best antidote I have for overwhelm, anxiety, worry, and exhaustion is breathwork. Simple breathing practices calm my nervous system when my emotions are running high.

Your mind and your breath are like two peas in a pod: whatever one does the other will follow. When you are stressed and anxious your mind starts spinning and your breath becomes shallow and fast. Taking 3-5 rounds of mindful deep, long breaths will help you feel more centered and calm. And you can do this almost anywhere and at any time. It takes less than 5 minutes and you’ll instantly notice the difference.

Here are 3 breathing practices that can regulate your nervous system and help build resilience against stress during the holiday season.

#2 Focus on what feels right 

Every holiday I am so grateful that baking cookies is not a beloved past-time in my family. Don’t get me wrong, I think it sounds lovely, and I sure enjoy being on the receiving end, but I see the stress it creates. With a bazillion things going on it’s hard to find the time for everything, especially when it comes to activities you are doing out of obligation instead of joy.

From the pressure of holiday parties to the perfect gift, maybe it’s time to slow down and ask yourself…

  • Does this really matter to me? 
  • Who am I doing this for? And is that really important or necessary?
  • Do I have the energy to put into this?

Focus on what energizes you instead of drains you. This is how you can avoid holiday burnout. It helps you to show up and be present in a more mindful manner instead of being filled with resentment. 

#3 Unplug

The busier you are the more important this one becomes. It’s challenging in our busy lives to unplug and spend some needed time with yourself. No distractions. 

This means turning off your phone, no radio, no social media, no beeping, no buzzing, no kids, no friends, nothing! Just you.

Get away from the news and go for a walk, or take a bath. Learn to befriend yourself. Treat yourself like the more important person in your life and selfishly spend an hour nourishing that relationship.

Doing this for an hour will help you be more present with others. As the saying goes, you cannot fill from an empty saucer. 

Peace and Calm

These are just 3 examples of ways to build your resilience against holiday stress. There are a ton of options out there and the best ones are the ones that work for you. Find things that help you come back to calm amongst the chaos. For you it might be a trip to the yoga studio, shopping alone, or getting a drink with an old friend. Find your things and make time for them. Treat them as vital because they are, and your mental health is worth it. 

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Gain Better Control Over Emotions By Practicing Being Responsive, Rather than Reactive

Moving From a Reactive to a Responsive Mind

Do you ever find yourself getting upset about something completely out of your control?

Do you find yourself ruminating on a small inconvenience and making a situation bigger in your head than it actually is? 

Do you ever catch yourself jumping from one ego-driven thought to the next only to find yourself angry and upset over nothing?

Last week this quote came up in an email I subscribe to…

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

This resonated with me for a couple of reasons.

  1. Because this principle is at the core of breathwork
  2. Because this is what is practiced by doing ice baths and cold exposure
  3. Because I often catch myself reacting instead of responding

Even with a solid breathwork practice and work with cold exposure, I still find myself having to actively work on this vital statement. 

Over the past week, I have found myself building up an unnecessary story about a situation at work that is nothing more than a minor inconvenience. In the long run, this situation works in my favor in many ways. 

I started a new job less than two weeks ago. One of the things I had mentioned I was anxious about was what to wear because I’ve never had a job where business casual was the attire, and my wardrobe consisted solely of jeans, leggings, and t-shirts. They offered great suggestions to get me going and I went shopping for new work clothes. It was fun! I actually feel a little fancy, and for this low-maintenance babe, it has been quite a treat!

Well, two days ago it was announced that we would be transitioning from our business casual attire to uniform. 

Umm…. What? 

You mean a week after I went out and spent a bunch of time and money updating my wardrobe? Now you tell me I can wear my jeans to work? The very thing I expressed anxiety over last week? 

You couldn’t mention the switchover coming 7 days later? You couldn’t suggest I start with one new pair of pants because change was on the way?

Clearly, I am agitated by the change. But here’s the thing. I actually don’t mind uniforms at all. The idea of not having to think about my clothes is awesome! And I can wear my jeans, so that rules. Bonus and bonus! 

You can feel my frustration in this example; spending time purchasing new clothes that I now have little to no use for and I’ve worn just about all of them once in the last week and a half. Tags are off and it’s a mild inconvenience. When they told us at the all-staff meeting I took it personally. I began to ruminate on how terrible this company was being managed and how poor communication is. 

I realized whoa!

Is this really how I’m going to respond?

And then this quote came through in my email to hit me in the face and remind me of why I do the work that I do. 

I don’t want to react. I don’t feel good getting wrapped into a frenzy over something out of my control–something that I am actually happy about.

Does that sound familiar to you?

Have you ever gotten upset because you weren’t invited to an event you didn’t want to go to?

Do you ever find yourself filling empty space with an argument over nothing in your head? Having imaginary conversations about what you would say to your boss, family member or friend who you are making out to be the bad guy. 

Maybe you’re guilty of complaining about something as silly as the weather. (As though the weather has anything to do with you at all.)

What if instead you learned to accept the flow of life and matched your thinking patterns to a more pliable nature? 

Instead of, It always rains on my day off, you thought, Oh good, we needed this rain.

Viewing your life and surroundings through this lens can have a profound effect on your life.

Moving from Reacting to Responding

This sounds simple, but it’s not always easy. Working on adopting new and healthier ways of thinking sounds simple, but the key is to catch yourself in the moment and make the decision to move from reacting to responding.

Right now, as you read this it seems simple enough, but you’ll find it becomes much harder in the moment. 

Why?

Because your emotions are involved. 

When your thoughts have been triggered into a story about what’s happening in the world around you, you feel it emotionally. You are used to reacting from the ego and your mind becomes busy plotting revenge or feeling sorry for yourself. These triggering emotions are highly addictive AND it’s how you’ve allowed your mind to react for so long that it feels normal and natural. 

Choosing to jump off of a highly charged emotional ego-based story is tough! Your mind will acknowledge that you are creating a fabricated story, but it won’t want to stop. It feels too good. Even if it feels awful, it’s giving you a huge dopamine drip of feelings that validate your ego. 

With practice, you can train your brain to stop the story before it spirals. You can use breathing practices to calm your thoughts and bring you into the present moment. Then you can look at what’s happening in your life and respond from a clear mind. You choose how you want to show up in this moment. 

It does take work at first. After a while, it will become easier and this right thinking will begin to bleed into other areas of your life and more and more positive change will appear all around you. 

Mastering Your Life

In order to become a master of your life you must learn this one skill…

You must be willing to move from a reactive mindset and start showing up in a more responsive way. 

Stop fueling your energy towards stories and events that you can’t change or that have little to nothing to do with you. 

The fastest way to do this is to slow down, connect with your breath, and learn to accept what is.

There is a term used widely in AA meeting that I heard and love; “Acceptance is the key to all things”

Acceptance helps us to surrender to what is and know that it could be no other way. This step alone helps us to respond in more healthy ways. 

The next time you find yourself quickly reacting to new information, jump as fast as you can out of the story you are creating, and start to bring yourself into acceptance with slow mindful breaths deep into your belly. Then from a more focused mind, you can respond accordingly. 

Looking for assistance as you start this process? Join Breath Mindset! This 4-week, self-led course will set you up with all the tools for success!

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Grief, The Messy Gift We All Share

The Gift of Grief

Grief brings out an onslaught of emotions ranging from depression to rage. One of the toughest parts of grief is that we all walk the road alone. Even when family, friends, and a community of loved ones gather around us to share in that sorrow, each of us has our own unique relationship with the process. Grief is a gift in remembering love in a deep and meaningful way. Grief is a gift none of us want to unpack, but a gift we all have in common. 

Once your heart knows grief, it becomes a part of who you are. From turbulent times to spiritual moments of clarity, grief offers us a deeper understanding of what it means to be human. 

Grief is so powerful that we often feel we need permission to open up about how we feel. Grief, in all its forms, helps connect us and when shared is a powerful tool for healing. 

Whether you are in the heat of grief or mourning the loss of someone lost long ago, we need each other to share in this breath. And we need to have open conversations about other types of grief as well. Grief from a divorce, or loss of a job. Grief from letting go of a long-held dream or parting ways with a dear friend. Grief comes in many forms, and it’s more than losing someone to death.

More than losing a loved one

On the rare occasion that grief is discussed openly in our society, our minds automatically turn toward death and dying. But grief runs much deeper than that.

Grief is one of those words that encompasses a sea of experiences. Attempting to describe it is futile. Grief, like love, has to be felt to be understood. 

  • The grief of a pet stings differently than the grief of losing your mother. 
  • The grief from leaving a relationship feels different than the grief of never finding one.
  • The grief of letting part of your identity go sits differently than the grief one feels from war.

We all face grief. It is the risk of love. It runs deeper than death and it is not dependent on where we come from, or our age, gender, sex, religion or choices we’ve made (both good and bad), our finances, our dream, or our faith. 

Loss and the grief that comes with it are universal.

Grief is the pain we feel on some random Thursday at 3pm in the middle of a lecture. It is the whisper of a memory that catches us without armor on a Tuesday morning drive to work. Grief is the complicated emotions you have around the shattered relationship you thought you so neatly cleaned up 15 years ago. Grief is an unexpected earthquake that wakes you at 4am as your entire life feels like it’s crashing down around you. 

Grief is love that hasn’t been allowed to be expressed.

Grief is a gift

Grief is a form of transition. Without warning or invitation grief comes into our lives. Like love, grief comes without a timeline and without rules. Grief teaches us compassion for other humans in a way that nothing else can. Grief reminds us that the time spent with those we love is important and fleeting. Grief connects us to each other and is a messy gift that we all share.

If we can learn to open up about our grief then we can begin to heal from our grief. Our society treats grief as though it is a dirty little secret that no one should talk about. Yet it is something we all feel. The more you can be open and vulnerable in the story of your grief, the more others will feel safe and connected to you. 

Grief is a part of who we are. It is a gift that unites us. We shy away from grief because it reflects our own pain and sadness; things we don’t want to feel. Much like love, when you grieve you are exposed to feeling hurt. 

Grief is one of the unbreakable bridges that connect us to other human beings. It sheds light on the darkness and reminds us that we are all the same.

Learning to see your grief as a gift can transform you into a more compassionate human. Someone who understands that people and experiences and cultures might be different, but we are all victims of circumstance and that there is nothing more true about love than the grief it brings. 

An Invitation for grief

I invite you to step into your grief and begin to heal yourself and the world around you. Allow it to take you deeper into understanding the web of human connection. Become a witness to your grief and allow others to find solace in your vulnerability. Inside of you is the courage and strength to find meaning in your pain. Find freedom from your fight against grief and allow the waves to take you into surrender and trust. Allow your life to grow beyond the garden of grief within you and learn to share those blossoming flowers with the world around you.

It isn’t going to be easy work, but the rewards are worth it. 

Find your breath again, and let it move deep within your spirit. Bringing life to your body, and purpose to your world. Peace is inside of you now. No matter what stage of grief you are in, feel it. All of it. Allow it space to be felt and be seen because the transformation is what connects us to our humanity and brings us closer to the light. 

Breathing Thru Grief. Sunday, December 4th, 2:30-4. St. Matthews Lutheran Church, Renton WA. -Grief as a Gift- All are welcome.